Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains! That's the least of your worries you have aids!

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A lion, a tiger, and a bear walk down the side of the road. This is what I observed last week in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio.

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My friend told me to jump right off a cliff That's impossible since this cliff goes left...

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How many women does it take to change a lightbulb. None, Thomas Edison was a man.

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An american family is picknicking on the bottom of the ocean. They are eating french fries, big mac's, chicken mc nuggets and drinking coca cola, some slurpies too, all purchased at the local mac donalds near lyndon blvd, in chevy chase near that weird house with the toothless lady that always smiles and then all of a sudden frowns at you, often wearing either a dark green or mint green dress. Spongebob squarepants comes drifting by dead in circular pants and little Sally, their youngest daughter asks a question, which cannot be heard because they're underwater.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Two ducks are in a bathtub. One duck says, "Hey, pass me the soap." The other duck says, "What do I look like, a type writer?"

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Justin Bieber

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Jovan

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someone has been eating my cornflakes,oh well cheerios instead.

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The man asks the blind man "where ya going"b The Blind man replies "i dont know".

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, ask the chicken.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To mutilate the body of a Jewish girl that lay on the other side.

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Why couldn't the ten-year-old get into the pirate movie? Because it was rated PG-13

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whats black and large -me

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Q: Why did the cow cross the road? A: Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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Why do fat people make such good slaves? They're too fat and lazy to escape. Unfortunately, if you want your slave to be fat, you actually have to feed it properly.

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your mothers so silly she saw a rock and sat on a chair.......?

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whats red and looks like a bucket? a red bucket.

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Know what's worst than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Obama

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Some really old band covered Dirty Bit. But the cut out the Dirty Bit part so its just the Time of life part

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I heard that the Boston marathon was a BLAST!

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so i can text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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Q: Why did Susie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not Susie.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops