- Anti Joke

doctor: hey u ready to get home person: yea doctor: that sucks cause u have cancer

A black man and a white man walk into a bar, "what will it be" said the bartender. Milk, chocolate milk.

A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

How do you make your friends more positive ? Infect them with HIV.

What has 4 legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you a pool table

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Why did the blind man fail his math test? Because he had been raped and murdered. Going blind is a side effect of death.

So tell me what’s worse than a baby? A dead baby… Well then what’s worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies… And what’s worse than a pile of dead babies? A live baby sitting on top of a pile of dead babies… And what’s worse than a live baby sitting on top of a pile of dead babies? A live baby eating it’s way out of a pile of dead babies…

a retard walks into a bar a bruise appeared on his head

Q: What's funnier than Women's Rights? A: Nothing.

Why did the homeless man kill his dog? Because a drunk rich guy said he'd pay him a hundred dollars if he did.

Why do women live longer? Because they work weaker.

How did the ball fall from the cup? It didn't, it happened to be tied to a string attached to the cup.

Republicans

why was 6 afraid of 7?

Dad, why are we Swedish? Because antilopes and the butterfly effect son.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am Jack Bauer, Where is the nuke?

Q: Why is little Timmy living without his parents? A: He is ninety seven years old!

how do u keep a stupid person in suspense? how

Who keeps his best friend in a gun rack? a red neck.

What did the woman do when her husband told her to make him a sandwich? She made him a sandwich promptly.

Whats the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? Boy scouts come back from camp.

Why did the black homeowner declare bankruptcy on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by continuing to pay his mortgage bills.

If life throws you melons, you might be dyslexic..

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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