Why do vampires drink blood? Maybe if they existed you could ask one.

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God

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Why did the car cross the road? Green light

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What's five times 10? Sixty, you retarded fuck.

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Is this your pen? I wanna go to school, bye!

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Whats the same about a Mole and an Eagle? They both live underground, I lied about the Eagle.

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Why couldn't Bob pick up his pen? Because a nuclear bomb just set off where he lives and it incinerated everything.

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A man and his horse walk into a bar, he is told to leave because animals are not allowed on the property

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what is so fun about having sex with twenty six year olds? There is a high possibility their breasts have developed, thus equaling more pleasure for you.

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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Why was the little boy afraid of Mr.Clean? Because he reminded him of his father who was an alcoholic and used to beat him savagely.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car. -Tag

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Why did the little kid fall down? He was pushed

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what did the cow say to the chicken Hey im ralston tyler

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Why didn't the man walk up the stairs? He had an acorn stairlift.

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what is more funny than watching a baby fly in a circle at 100 mph stopping it with a shovel

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It heard you like to choke the chicken.

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Q: WHY DID GOD MAKE ASIANS? A: NO FREIKEN IDEA

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I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexic. Fcuk!

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What did the "gangster" looking black guy ask the white guy he approached randomly on the street? "Excuse me sir, are you aware of the injustices done toward the jewish community that has been the decline of western society since the reclamation proclamation?"

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What srtarts with "P" and ends in "orn"? Popcorn

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was making a suicide attempt.

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A man trips on an old bottle. He picks it up and out pops a genie. "I will grant you three wishes!" says the genie. "Whatever you so desire is my com--" "I'm already late for a meeting!" shouts the man. He drops the bottle and continues on.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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