What did your last slave die of? Terminal Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Batman, Superman, Spiderman and Wonder Woman walk into a bar. The bartender decides to ruin the joke by saying nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why didn't the elephant do any tricks? It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Yes!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Whats an Anti-Joke? Funny

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Q: what is long hard and full of seamen A: a submarine

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Knock, Knock Who's There? (Silence) Wondering who was there, the man opened the door, to find a baby in a basket in front of him.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

How do you make a tissue dance? Blow a little boogie in it!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

How much does a polar bear weight? The average male polar bear weights about 1500 lbs (680 kg)

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released into a nearby park.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

thumb_up thumb_down +32

You know how I felt about Nero, no way id ever date anyone but you, back then that is. Fine I will come along, I bet you left the base at "point zero" without the information he left, you have not changed a bit Seth, always too impulsive for your own good, but Nero was always like that and that, turned out, well damn. Tell me first, if you come get me, how much have you really changed mentally from the last time we met? You sincerely sound like a psychopath and I could use a shoulder to cry on rather than be escorted to some sick torture dungeon thing. I gather you are not far away, could you please get over here asap? I do not care about more than the standard code anymore, you have not changed much, except you are a deranged psychopath now, I get it, in your place I think id do the same, I have no idea how bad Nero was doing when you found him, and I sure as hell dont want to know.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A caterpillar and its mom (a butterfly) come upon a lion eating an antelope. The caterpillar says "Mom, why is the lion so mean to the antelope?" The mom replies: "it's the circle of life." The next day, the caterpillar and his mom witness a bird of prey swooping down and eating a mouse. The caterpillar asks why the bird of prey is so mean and the mom responds by saying its the circle of life. The next day, the caterpillar and its mom come across a trail of dead animals. They follow the trail to the end where they see a great lion. The mom opens her mouth to say its the circle of life when her son jumps up and eats the lion. THE END.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

"Knock, Knock" "who's there" "John doe" "John doe who" "I told you my my name was john doe"

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Get off my porch.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Another cat joke. You gotta be kitten me.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Ask if I'm a aardvark. Are you a aardvark? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What is yellow and has thick, shiny fur? A banana. I lied about the fur.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

I am on a escalator.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why was 6 afraid of seven? Seven brutally abused and raped 6 as a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why is a building called a building when it's already been built? My pinky is pink and my liver helps me live.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What's black, white, and red all over A penguin in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the suicide bomber say on new years day? Happy new year.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops