"Hey guys lets have a standing obviation." No one else stands....

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Why do birds fly south in winter? Because its too far to go walking.

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a fat man walks into a bar and gets laughed at because his shoes are untied

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Why did the man not open his door to the trick or treaters? He was a sex offender and it was illegal for him to open it...

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A man met a genie that granted him three wishes. I wish I could fly. The genie gave him a plane ticket. No, I want to really fly for real! The genie put him inside a plane. Okay, I wish I was unable to die then! The genie killed him. Moral: Not every story needs to make a fucking sense.

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You know how I felt about Nero, no way id ever date anyone but you, back then that is. Fine I will come along, I bet you left the base at "point zero" without the information he left, you have not changed a bit Seth, always too impulsive for your own good, but Nero was always like that and that, turned out, well damn. Tell me first, if you come get me, how much have you really changed mentally from the last time we met? You sincerely sound like a psychopath and I could use a shoulder to cry on rather than be escorted to some sick torture dungeon thing. I gather you are not far away, could you please get over here asap? I do not care about more than the standard code anymore, you have not changed much, except you are a deranged psychopath now, I get it, in your place I think id do the same, I have no idea how bad Nero was doing when you found him, and I sure as hell dont want to know.

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How do you kill a retard? Pour gasoline on him and light him on fire.

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How did the two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for half an hr? They didn't and they died.

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Yo mama is so depressing. That is so sad.

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How its supposed to go: Knock knock Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mopwho? How my friend Cassidy did it: Knock knock Who's there? I eat my poo! Oh wait I screwed up.

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What god did Bill believe in? No god, Bill is an athiest

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How many gay men does it take to change a lightbulb? Usually, it takes one gay male to complete this action.

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What is less sanitary than eating food off of the ground? Anal sex.

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"Knock, Knock" "who's there" "John doe" "John doe who" "I told you my my name was john doe"

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Q: Have you heard from that guy who dropped a piano on his head? A: No one has, he dropped a piano on his head.

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What's funnier than the world ending? Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder in a staring contest.

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what's Mexicans favourite sport? Cross country.

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released into a nearby park.

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What is 0+0? 0, I am not dumb

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Knock knock. Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop who? (smell my poo)

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Coming home and discovering that your wife has drowned your kids in the bathtub

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What's the difference between you and yourself? Yourself has 4 more letter in it.

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What happens to the man with cancer He dies Because the pharmaceutical company wanted to profit off a synthetic drug equal to marijuana

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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