How do you make a baby understand what you want? You color yourself purple, wear a yellow shirt, and do cart wheels while singing "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round!"

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How did the Jewish man play racquetball? With a racket and a birdie.

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Q: What happens when Lisa drops an iPad? A: She plays Desperado on the sax.

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What's worse than burning your tongue drinking hot chocolate? Being shanked by a homeless man.

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Q: What does Jerry Sandusky and bills have in common? A: They both come in the mail

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Knock knock. Its open.

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A horse walks in to a bar. The barman says: "Why the long face?" The horse does not reply because it is a horse and can neither speak nor understand English. The horse is startled by it's surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables on it's way out.

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What do you call a guy with a puppy, candy, and a windowless white van? You're next baby sitter.

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Why don't you make like a tree, and get out of here.

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Why did the turtle cross the road? Because there was a chicken stapled to his face.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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Just aids, and gonnoreah, and... Jk, I wont type it here, and I am not "suffering" from nothing, its a condition, it can be a struggle, and yeah it could turn fatal, on the bright side its not contagious (its genetics, flawed genetics) but on the bright side, so far chances are greater of me dying from a giant meteor falling on me as I sleep, than from this... Not disease, genetic flaw, take it from a guy that was born without toenails, has two eardrums and some weird tiny holes on his ears (I can send you a pic of those tiny weird holes, they are not weird, kinda cute I been told and can say so myself) so you calm yet?

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Q. Why did the man walk away from his wife? A. Because he wanted to walk away from his wife.

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Why did Michael Jackson die Cuz

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what is black and green and rainy all over? the democratic republic of congo

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A horse walks into a bar, the bar tender says" why the long face". The horse, unable to comprehend English just shits on the floor and leaves

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what you say to the kid that just hit puberty? your a young man

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hy did the boy cross the road? to jump of the bridge on the other side.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A blonde is a human woman and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used for the popular sport of bowling.

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I'm called the! no i wish am I left

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What did Robin say to Batman before they entered the Batmobile? "Batman, I'm a necropheliac."

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Knock Knock... Who's there? Nine... Nine who? Nine Eleven.

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If life hands you lemons your probably hallucinating.

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why does the man appear fat he is

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops