Roses are red,violets are blue I've got aids & now so do you Merry Christmas

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Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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Why did the lorry cross the road? It was swerving to avoid a small child. Unfortunately the driver's reactions were too slow and he hit the kid. After a week fighting for their life in hospital the child fibaly died. There wasn't a scratch on the lorry though.

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What happens when an alien touches fire? It gets burnt

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How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb none, because chickens do not have opposable thumbs,therefore prevents them from preforming such a remedial task.

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what do you call a man that is hurt? A: you call him an ambulanse

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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Knock knock. Who's there? A bad joke.

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What happens when you put a baby, a dog and a cat in the same bag They will all most likely suffocate if left in the bag too long

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Yo momma so ugly that she is unpleasant to look at

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What's the difference between a portuguese widow and a llama? One is a portuguese widow and the other isn't.

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What is worse-losing your phone or failing school? Apartheid

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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3

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So a man walks into a hospital to see his dying wife..... walks into her room falls over and then dies

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How do you starve a zombie? You dont, they are allready dead.

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Q: what did the man with no eyes get for Chrismas? A: Reading glasses

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Q: How do you know what will happen when the world willl end? A: by experience

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Donald Duck walks into a drug store and asks the lady behind the counter for a bag of condoms. So the lady says, "Sure thing sir, would you like me to put that on your bill"? Donald says," THIT(Shit)NO, I'LL THUFFOCATE! (Suffocate)

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why does my face bleeding theres an axe in it

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knock knock come in !

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The Piglodocus has been featured in films such as "Jurassic Pork" and "Land before Swine".

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A jew, a homosexuel and a black guy are on a plane. It crashes and they all die in horrible circumstances.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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