Halt! Who goes there?! It is I, Prince Ali Ba Ba of Yo mamas house. To what do I owe this pleasure of your kindness? I come to you with gifts, relics, and spices. All these can be yours if the price is right. Surely there must be a mistake here. How do you go about by and by without a horse? Are you who you say you are? English mothafucka do you speak it?!!! What is this mothafucka do you speak of? Say what again, I dare you! I double dare you mothafucka say what one more goddddam time. Oh wait stop, hammer time...

thumb_up thumb_down

what do you call a black man in a police car? either officer or offender, depending on what role he has in the crime.

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red violets are purple what the hell happened to your ugly face

thumb_up thumb_down

How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

thumb_up thumb_down

a little girl is playing outside of her house when i man in a van approaches her and stops to ask if the girl will help him find his puppy and that he has some gandy. seeing as the girl has a great love for animals she gets in the van. the man and the little girl drive around until they find the puppy. the man is so overjoyed her rewards the girl with candy. he then drives her back to her house and she feels wonderful having helped the man find his puppy. the end.

thumb_up thumb_down

there is nothing better than waking up to realise that your being hugged by your partner unless that partner is not home

thumb_up thumb_down

A man and his young child walk into a clinic to get physical check-up. The man learns from the physicist he doesn't mater. His wife remarries and start having frequent sex and the child is scarred for life. This is irrelevant because both parents don't exist and this is all a constant delusion in an psychiatric hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down

A black person dies.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did they bury the fireman on the east side of the green grassy hill, to the left of the old well, underneath the huge apple tree? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance ? "because he had nobody to go with" No because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down

why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the sadistic farmer with a loaded shotgun (as the farmer has an extremely large score to settle with the chicken, as his wife was dead, a cause of mad cow disease, an STD from the chicken, as the chicken is a pimp) thus escaping captivity and starting a new life as a free chicken. God save Martin Luther KIng

thumb_up thumb_down

What is the first thing you should do when a person is choking? Make sure the person is choking How can you tell if a person is choking? If he's going like this: aaghh gaghhg agghhh gaghhhhh ghghaghghgh

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down

David shut the fuck up your cat has asthma and i dropped a weight on its little fucking head that pikey should of drowned it furthermore your sister looks like a greasy alien

thumb_up thumb_down

Why couldn't little Susie ride her bicycle? She had Cerebral Palsy.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q. What do you call a woman who, after 72 hours of hard labor, finally gives birth? A. Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man was standing out in the rain and calls out to god saying "smite me god, SMITE ME NOW" and the man was arrested and booked cause a near by neighbor reported on the disturbance. he is now facing charges of disturbing the peace.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did hitler do with the vegetarians? Nothing, because he was one.

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red Violets are blue Most rhymes rhyme But this one doesnt

thumb_up thumb_down

How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By pulling human entrails out of her purse when he asks her to provide insurance.

thumb_up thumb_down

if a dog won't bark, there's no way you can teach it to talk.

thumb_up thumb_down

So a guy with alsimers walks into a bar........I forget the rest.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the piano say to the guitar? "G, it's not A nice day. B careful, Dee." What did the guitar say to the piano? "F you!" What did the piano reply? "Eek! C you later!"

thumb_up thumb_down

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They took away her Gameboy.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops