Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

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If Bob has 65 sweets and he eats 57 how many does he have? Bob has diabetes. He has high blood sugar, either because the body does not produce enough insulin, or because cells do not respond to the insulin that is produced.

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why does everyone like this website? ... because every other joke a little baby is dying.

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Jimmy is taking a walk to Dairy Queen he walks into an allyway where he is shot with a 44 magnum and later dies in hospital his family morns

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Two black men walk past a white man who recently hung himself from a tree. Oh the racist irony.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, neither has he.

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Why did the hobo break both of his arms? He didn't like them.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Gestapo

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What is the opposite of Obama? Mitt Romney because he his white and a republican so all is good with him.

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How did Pablo get into America from Mexico? He drove here!

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Something strange in you're neighborhood. Who you gonna call? The police.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "GESTAPO! AUFMACHEN!!!"

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How do you kill a jew? Same way you would anyone

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His wife and children had just been struck by a moving vehicle traveling at approximately 45 miles per hour trying to cross the same road. He ran across the road to comfort his dying wife and two children as they took their final breaths. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a middle-aged man who had recently been laid off his job and diagnosed wiuth an incureable disease.

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Why are black people black? Because they're clearly not white.

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What's the worlds most popular burger? The Krabby Patty

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Q: What did the two muffins say in the oven? A: OMG we are in an oven, "OMG a talking muffin"

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fish fishy caoimhin

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Why was the little boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

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why do leprecon's laugh when they run through the grass? because it tickel's their balls

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What do you call cheese that's mine? My cheese

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What's red and green and goes 500 mph? A frog in a blender.

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Q: Why was the little girl upset? A: Because she drank a window cleanser, causing her vital organs to shut down, ending in a slow, painful, death.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops