what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Christmas presents.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He was butchered on the farm for chicken fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Yo mamma is SO fat, she is classified as fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

XD Okay then, just a little and I am not very fond of it, I mean I tried something called tekken but that just made me nauseus. Then I got into some car racing game years ago, RidgeRacer I think, but when I moved the car to the sides, I kinda involuntarily tilted to the sides, and ended up smacking on the ground a couple of times.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

So a train conductor is going at 70 mph to to a destination 50 miles away. He goes over 3 hills, one at 20 mph, the other 42 mph, and the last at 63 mph. he crosses 2 bridges at 47 mph each. What did the train conductors mom eat for dinner that night Nothing she had cancer and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What do you call a dad running down a hill? A: A mom running down a hill, I lied about the dad.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Your a bus driver, at the first stop, 4 people get on. At the second stop, 2 people get off. At the third stop, 7 people get off. At the fourth stop, everyone gets off. What is the bus drivers name?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What has two legs and is bloody? A: half a cat

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Wat do u call a priests shit Holy shit

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the man say while he was in surgery? Nothing, he was in surgery.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Don't quote me on this Nero, but she kinda deserves it, she should know better, its not like you have gotten this far by not knowing your limits, even if you tend to break them way too often. Can you get rid of the hallucinations with your mind alone? If not get to sleep asap! And stay asleep for a month or so, and if they somehow cant feed your system intravenously, they can all get the fuck out of there.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did Susie fall off of the swing? Because she had no arms or legs. Why did Susie drown? Because she fell in a puddle. Knock knock Who's there Not Suzy!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN cil you have such a dirty mind

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: I got NoEyeDeer!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did chad do when he found the grape? He ate it.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the car fall of the cliff? The dude driving the car was driving recklessly.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did Jesus say to the jews? Fuck you.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Whats funny about a kid with down syndrome q: a lot of things, like his face

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked: "Why the long face?" The horse said: "My wife just died."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why can't Scrillex fish? Because He is too busy to practice fishing.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

69

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what did johnny's dad say to him after his baseball game? nothing because johnny's dad was an abusive alcoholic who beat him until the neighbors found out and called the police. the dad was arrested, tried in court then promptly thrown in jail were he was raped in the showers repeatedly by a very large and intimidating black man. he vomited suicide in his cell today by drinking drain cleaner

thumb_up thumb_down +2

So an irish man walks into a bar, 10 seconds later he is dead. What happened was there was a sharp piece of metal on the bar so is cut his throat and he bleed to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops