Why did the little girl die so suddenly? The bullet got her right in the heart.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear? The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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Women's rights.

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Yo mama's so fat that she has a heart condition.

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I don't want to share my name yet if that is okay, I mean I have not seen you, but you have seen me just saying. Tell me how old you are first, I am 26, or 27, being more or less an orphan since birth details like that kinda lose themselves. And no, its not Eliza, I will wait for you here if you do not mind, there are still people that have thought I am Nero all this while, that`s what worries me, I doubt I can convince them I am chatting with myself this time around.

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What is orange and annoying? A purple potato.

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What's the difference between Micheal Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Micheal Jackson has never been on the moon, Neil Armstrong never had plastic surgery and Micheal was a pop star.

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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizza is not human, Jewish people are.

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Mexicans are inferior because! BEECUZ! Listen buddy, to be honest, I get girls every now and then because I am what they all want me to be, myself. You are a great friend as far as I am concerned, and I care a lot about you considering I saw you once like... 13 years ago, but I do not spend an entire night chatting with someone on horsehead network out of all things unless that person means a lot more than sex for me... Hell, if I did not feel that nice about you, I would not even have wanted to, and that sounds really awkward for a guy like me to say, believe me, you wont be losing a friend. AS LONG AS YOU KEEP GIVING IT TO ME! I am joking, but this is who I am (sadly) I have many female friends, and yeah well, some I well you know, I am just not the kind of guy that listens to girls sob stories, and pretend to be their gay best friend, while I watch someone bad ass come and bang her... Nah, I am more like that bad ass banger, except I dont break girls hearts afterwards. Seriously, I am really fond of you, to the point where I will say something guys mostly do not say: If you are feeling pressured into stuff, then dont do it, you wont be losing a friend, I wanna spend an intimate night with you (day, shower, on the breakfast table all that) but thats because I really like you, we have built some intimacy in pretty short time if you ask my opinion... See? Now I am being honest and leaving myself vulnerable, and I do that because I honestly care about you.

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A black man, hispanic man, and white man walk in to a bar. They are all friends. They enjoy a few beers together then call a taxi to take them home because it is irresponsible to operate a motor vehicle while under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

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what dyu call a jew on the moon? a problem. what dyu call ten jews on the moon? a bigger problem. what dyu call all the jews on the moon? problem solved.

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Why do Teenagers, mostly girls between the ages of 12-17 love Justin Bieber? Because he promotes himself worldwide and makes sure that girls know who he is thus creating a fan base that will be large enough to promote his career, which ensures him a safe financial future.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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Soo if ur on a jet ski and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse? Pickle.

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Malcolm Johnson from Zenith windows, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a while about some fantastic offers which we currently have on double glazed windows....

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Why did the man enter the fridge? He was hot Why is the man not in the chicken shop Hes in the fridge

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Whats blue, fuzzy and has little red dots all over? Beats me...

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Q. Knock Knock A. Whose there? Q. how am i supposed to know why don't you answer it and find out you dumb ass! gosh.... people and their common sense these days!!

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A blind man walks into a wall.

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where do you hide a black mans paycheck? somewhere he would never find it

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what did the teacher say to his student? do your work.

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when i'm away from home i sometimes get love sick, well they call it chlamydiae.

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how do you punish hellen keller? you can't she's dead

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What's the difference between Josef fritsal and a fridge? A fridge can be thrown at a bowl of custard.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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