Excuse me, do you happen to have the time? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the man's foot hot? Because it was stuck in a toaster.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Three men went into a bar; one was blind, another deaf and the third was mute. The blind guy said "Did you SEE that?" The deaf guy said "WHAT?" And the mute said "...."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a lawyer without a brain? -Dead

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: what is green and looks like grass. A: fake grass

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you make a plumber sad? You murder his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? You did?! Oh . . .

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a mexican guy and a black guy are in a car, who is driving? the mexican, the black guy is in the passenger seat

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what do you call a mentally and physically obese man? nothing until you know or obtain his name

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q-What did the hobo get for Christmas? A-Pneumonia.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A slutty deer walks into a bar she then comes out and says wow i cant believe i blew 30 bucks

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many Poles does it take to change a lightbulb? Just the one, usually.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why is this room orange? Because I painted it orange. You didn't paint it; my mom painted it.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the tortoise cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A Jewish man gets on a train. He sits down and a hour and a half later he is dropped of at his proper destination.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What's worse than your parents dying in a car crash? A: You were in the backseat and saw your mother plead your father to slit her throat witht he broken glass because her legs were brushed and a windshield wiper was shoved in her kidney. As you stared on in pure horror, your father did as she asked with much contemplation. An ambulance arrives moments later. In the hospital, you tell your dad that you hate him for killing mom. You run away and he dies overnight due to heart failure. Yo suffered paralysis and now and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your natural life and are sent away to a born-again foster care home where you are never adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Why, apples are the optimum environment for the worm species, offering a stable temperature with the efficiency of nutrition and comortable value, therefore in reality finding a worm in your apple is a healthy suggestion that the Global Warming effects on Earth have not yet affected the ever increasing innocent worm population.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

knock knock get lost!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Im going to the patriots jets game this year..... When the kick a feild goal and you see two kids wearing lime green holding up a poster that says BRADY LIKES SAGGY BALLS that will be me and my friend -RT

thumb_up thumb_down +3

INSULT- You've got a photographic memory, but the lens cap is on. INSULT- Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic INSULT- I heard you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. From- Insults and Putdowns lite

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Marilyn Manson was walking to church.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Boyfriend: Why are you so negative all the time? Girlfriend: I'm not! I'm positive! Boyfriend: No your not your arguing with me right now and you... Narrator: The girl takes the pregnancy test and shoves it in the guys mouth kicks him in the nuts and runs out the door.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

knock knock whos there open the door and find out

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops