Why did the cow stop running? - He ran out of breath

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why does Michael J. Fox make a great milkshake? Because he's had a successful career where he has made a substantial amount of money, allowing him to purchase high quality ingredients.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did he die? He was sick.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what did the deaf kid get for christmas ? An ipod.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man in a bar says "I'm drunk", immediately 10 men take of their clothes

thumb_up thumb_down +16

how do you wake up lady gaga? scream in her ear.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats9+10 19

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A rape victim.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Two guys walk into a bar. You think the second one would've noticed and avoided it.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

There was an old man from Limerick. He was of scottish ancestry and nearing his 76th birthday.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have alzheimers, Cheese Toast!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How many small children does it take to change a light bulb? None. Children are not old enough to do this by themselves.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Dr. Dick Howard Long visits a friend in England. Arriving at his friend's house, he knocked at the door. A butler then lets him in and asks, "Sir, would you like to wait while the Master bathes?" The doctor then replies, "Sure thing, I'll wait until he's done."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why aren't Anti Jokes funny? Cuz they're against my religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

whats more serious than rape... the holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's green and has wheels? A bus. I lied about the green.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

im a selling a car

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a bar... and recieves a concusion and short-term memory loss

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If you are going down the road in your boat and the pedal falls off how many cheese burgers can you eat 21 because a motorcycle doesnt have doors.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Does this napkin chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops