you will like this because i am black.

When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

What do you call two spaniards talking in French. Bilingual.

What mouse walks on two legs? Mickey Mouse. What bear walks on two legs? Winnie the Pooh. What duck walks on two legs? All of them, dumbass.

There's a Mexican and a black guy in a car... Who's driving? The Cop!!!

What did the soldier get for his birthday? Shot in the face.

Why did the boy stop singing? Because his lungs collapsed.

What's worse; twelve babies in one trash can or one baby in twelve trash cans?

Q: What does a psychic have in common with a stone? A: The bible decrees that psychics are witches and should be stoned and something topical about the stone.

A black man walks into a bar in an all white neighborhood. He has a couple of drinks, pays for them, and politely calls a taxi for a ride home.

What do you do when you see a hot girl in your bed

Why did the bird fall out of the sky? It had no wings.

Why did the chicken cross the road So he could get back to the farm and lay more eggs

What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

What did the man on the moon say? Nothing. He died because his supply of oxygen ran out.

why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

Why did grandma drop the dish? She had a heart attack and died, falling to the ground and thus bringing the plate with her to the floor.

An englishman, a german and a ginger are in a band. they play some creative music that some people may find enjoyable to listen to and would like to purchase a track.

What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware River? "Men, we're crossing the Delaware River."

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A wonderful dairy product that i can not have due to the fact that i do not own it.

How could Jamie not come out and play? His mum had cancer

What's brown and sticky? A lump of shit.

Why was the fat man crying? He was sentenced to the electric chair for a murder he didn't commit.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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