You know what makes me smile? Face muscles.

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Why did i get some thing to eat? Because i was hungry.

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So a platypus walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then goes home drunk. His wife doesn't approve of his drinking, so she took her children then left. The lonely platypus wandered around for days on end in the lonely silence. He realized he wanted a job, but he couldn't get one, and i lied. it wasnt a platypus. it never even haooened i wasted your time.

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how many scrubbers does it take to change a light bulb ? 2 , 1 to change it , and 1 to make it smell piss

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so a jewish man walks into a bar. He looks at the bartender and says...this better be free

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What's green, little, and eats rocks? A Little Green Rock-Eater What's green and has a thousand wheels? A lawn, I lied about the wheels! If I were to throw a rock down the a whole in the center of the earth (straight through) what would happen? The Little Green Rock-Eater would eat it!

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I'm black and I will beat your children At checkers, they can have red

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Hey I just banged you, and it was crazy, delete my number, and keep the baby.

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

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what has genitial warts? me

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Whats worse than finding out one of your grandparents died, finding out both your grandparents died.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Why the long face?" And the horse says "I have cancer".

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What's worse than the Holocaust? This joke.

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Q. What did the toothbrush say to the toothpaste A. Nothing you idiot there inanimate objects they can't talk

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What do homeless people get at Christmas? Cold.

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Legal Mexicans in Texas

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What did the salami say to the ham? Nothing; meat can not talk

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A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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What happens when you get hit in the face? You get hurt.

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, your body rejected the transplant and you died.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. You think they should have ducked?

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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What did the Irish nun say on her deathbed? "I now realize that smoking was an unhealthy habit and I regret that I made the choice to do so." Then she died

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What happened to the man who poo'd too much? He started to eat less because his bowell movements started to cause him serious pain.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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