- Anti Joke

Why are watermelons green? 9, because cows like to eat grass.

How do you get your children out of a cardboard box? You open the box to see your dead children's corpses

Yo mama so old when I slapped her on the back her tits fell off.

so you're waling through the desert and a tire falls off your canoe. How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?

"So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard! This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean's list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now? Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House. After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn't been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment. Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but waddya know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there's no punch line."

Roses are red, but there are also pink, white and yellow varieties Violets aren't blue, they're violet, hence the name I've got OCD And my poetry skills are also lacking.

An elderly man farts during Sunday morning mass. The children around him laugh and then their parents remind them to be respectful.

Q. Whats Red and yellow and has braces? A.Pierre-Louis

Q: What used to be black, and then became white, and touches young boys? A: Michael Jackson.

You're such a baby, that you are still in diapers! Ew! How would you know creep!

What did Chuck Norris say when he stubbed his toe? "Oh shit I stubbed my toe."

Irish man English man and a Scottish man all in a plane they jump out then they land

your mamma so fat... she went to hell.

You are in a room with no doors and no windows. All you have a chainsaw and a mirror. How do you get out? You don't and will slowly die a painful death of asphyxiation.

A women in the kitchen.

What did the angry man with tourette syndrome say when he smashed his thumb with a hammer? Ouch.

Why did Helen Keller become blind and deaf? Because you touch yourself at night

Whats better than sex? Not dying. Ha

Your dad is so gay that he payed for a male prostitute to have sex and now your family is in ruins.

Knock knock. Who's there? Robert. Robert who? Robert Anderson.

How many dead babies can fit in the trunk of my car? Seven.

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and floats? Nothing, its rude to make fun of disabilities.

What's worse than waking up next to an ugly girl? Waking up, sealed in a coffin which is floating on a raft traversing through shark-infested waters. Oh, and the raft is on fire.

You know the drill, the world is not as black and white as it was before, just because we are not on the same side, does not make us enemies either. As for whatever is going on, I can assure you I had nothing to do with the fall of the first underground, and neither will I make sure whatever you scraped together, large or small falls either, I realize I should have thought this trough some more, but we had little time to act on this one.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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