What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

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Q. How do you blindfold a Chinese man? A. With a blindfold.

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What did the man with a cold say when a jew walked into a bar? Hahaha you walked into a bar. What did the man with a cold say when a jew walked into a pub? AHH-JOOOOO!!!

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A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

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Wanna know what's funny? A joke.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Silence. Silence who? No, I meant there was silence, I didn't really say anything. Oh, OK. But seriously, who's there?

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Yo momma is so fat, that when I went over to your house and accidentally stepped on a skateboard, yo momma came out and said "get the %$^# off the skateboard!"

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My dad

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How many sheets did the Asian want on his bed? "You sheet on my bed I kill you!"

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Your mother is so fat that occasionally she'll have more than one serving of preserves on her toast in the morning

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How many pieces of gum are in 5 gum? 5. i meen 7

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roses are head mydick is blue i live in somolia and i killed all the jews

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Your face

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What's worse than getting a flat tire on a date? getting one while rushing your dying grandfather to the hospital.

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What do you call a clock that has no sense of time? .....Broken.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Children Protective Services. Your kids are dead.

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How do you know when a ghost is lying? I don't know because I've never met one, so from personal experience I couldn't tell you.

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Roses are red,Lemons are sour,Open your legs and give me an hour.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends. How hard can you throw?

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What do you call a black person who flies a plane? A pilot, racist.

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Q: How do you solve a problem like Maria. A: You kill her. You kill Maria.

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why didnt Joe drive the tractor today? Because Joe doesnt have any arms or legs. Why doesnt Joe have any arms or legs? A) Because Joe is a potatoe

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My name is Harry.

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A man goes to his doctor and asks: ""What is wrong with me doc? One moment I think I am a teepee, the next moment I a, a wigwam." To which the doctor responds: "I have told you several times sir; you have stage IV pancreatic cancer."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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