What's ripe and orange? A ripe orange.

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What's better than winning the paraplegic Olympics? Walking.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

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An African-American man calls KFC. An employee answers. "Thank you for calling KFC." The man replies, "I'm sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number."

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Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, living in the mountains? A: Cliff Q: What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs, living on the beach? A: Sandy Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? A: A victim of a serious crime, where murder was committed and the killer has a sick and twisted mind because he first cut off the man's arms and legs then nailed him to the wall with wooden pegs. Puppies.

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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A clown a hockey player and a...........what the heck that's all I got.

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A sad-looking man entered a bar. The barman asked, "why so sad?" The man replied, "I have a terminal illness."

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Breaydn Simmons walked into a bar

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Why did the black man smell really bad? A: becuase he ran out of paper

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What did the man do after he got in his car with out his keys? He started it up and drove Away

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Is Charlie Sheen bi-polar? Yes.

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What does a bird and a human have in common? They both use long, hard sticks.

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Roses are Red You're Black and Blue My fists seemed to have taken A liking to you

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Knock Knock Who's there? Probably

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How to confuse a dumbass: see previous post.

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A man orders chinese food. His wife says "Honey, where's the cat?"

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Why didn't the blonde eat bacon? She was Jewish, and it was against her religion.

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What do you call a man with a fork stuck in his head? A man with a fork stuck in his head

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Asians

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hey i just met you and this is crazy... but loose my number and keep the baby LOL

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the batmobile? Robin, get in the batmobile

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"My grandmother has AIDS. They are really nice ladies." -joke by comedian Daniel Cupps

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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