What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Robocop The Reboot reboot. Watch as The friendly robot named Murphy, is violently broken down by a horrible shower of water, the only means to save him is to transfer his data into a human. He awakens again as Robofriendlydude (starring Adam Sandler) as a robot learns to love, learns to share, learns to dance with children in this years Reboot of the classic love comedy Robocop. PG-3 "So good I could only watch five seconds of it" Rotten potatoes. 99 percent fresh. "Kill me with a chainsaw" Honest reviews. "AWESOME!" Dishonest reviews "Makes Twilight seem like the better lovestory" Everyone.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happened to the Asian who ran into the wall with a boner? He ejaculated his sperm, impregnating the wall. The wall went to the authorities, and the man was charged with rape. He is now serving a 10 year prison sentence, with no possibility of parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Knock Knock!! Who's there? The Bailiffs, now get out.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Barbara and Martin died in their apartment. The neighbor walked in and found glass and water everywhere. How did they die? -Barbara and Martin were fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what happens when a dog and a cat have sex? They create a beautiful baby that ends up dieing from cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? A: This question has many different possible answers due to the range of sizes and shapes of bath tubs available on the market, and also depending on the size of the baby in question. It is therefore only possible to give a specific example.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in an apple within a worm inside your apple...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Boy: Knock Knock! Girl: Who's there? Boy: It's me, John. Girl: Oh, come in!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q. How many men did it take to build a wall? A. None, the wall is already built.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was Hellen Keller afraid to answer the phone? This situation is impossible because Hellen suffered from scarlet fever, therefore she could not see or hear the phone.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a white guy in a mostly black neighborhood? His name.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "James" "James who?" "What the heck?You forgot me already?Its your bestfriend dude.Now let me in." ~Lil

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did the boy get hit by a bus because he dropped his ice cream

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's easier than a whore? Doesn't matter, your mom's a whore either way.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

how many babies can fit into a microwave i dont know i havent tried

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red, Grass is greener, When I think about you, I play with my weiner

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the black guy not like oreos? because he is a very health concious person and knowes that too much of a bad thing can make you fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Not really a anti joke: Superman is flying over town when he suddenly spots a completely naked Spiderwoman moaning and all sweaty while rubbing her her legs, This gets Superman really h0rny but does not want to get caught, so he flies down and bangs away so fast nobody notices a thing a thing and leaves. Spiderwoman: Hey honey whats wrong? Please come lie on top of me again! Invisible Man: AAAAAAARGH!!! IT FEELS LIKE I HAVE A DAMN BOWLING BALL UP MY ASS HOLE!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Doctor: “Knock Knock” Patient: “Who's there?” Doctor: “The interrupting Doctor” Patient: “The inter- Doctor: You have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Obama = ebola

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops