What's the easiest way to load dead babies into a tractor trailer? Pitchfork.

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What's the biggest lie you've ever told? "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"

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Why did the priest fall onto the alter boy? Because he lost his balance

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How do you get a girl out of a tree? You throw a refrigirator at her.

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How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? To get to the other side

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you through them.

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Touche.try eating something, I eat low carb crap when I am too sleepy, and today I guess it works.

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How do you know a blonde's been in your refrigerator?? There's lipstick on the cucumber!

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A young man was lost wandering in a field, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a scary southern man with a shotgun in hands. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will shoot you with this shotgun." He couldn't have sex with the daughter because he has severe erectile dysfunction.

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Why do I write Anit-jokes. Because I'm very bad at delevering good punchlines. They generally fall flat.

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What is worse than a worm in you're apple? Two worms in you're apple.

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What's worse then spilling milk? Instantaneous Human Combustion

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Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy, But I have a gun, So get in the van

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What's the difference between cat and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer. The other is a watermelon.

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The adventures of HAROLD THE MONGOOSE: Harry dug a hole. He did not like that hole so he dug a new one. He liked that hole so he did not dig another one. Harry slept on a rock. He did not like that rock. So he smashed it with a ham. Harry found a new rock. He liked that rock so he didn't smash it with a ham. Harry ate a snake. He did not like that snake so he regurgitated it. Harry ate another snake. He liked that snake so he did not regurgitate it. Harry encountered a bush. He did not like that bush. Unfourtianately for Harry, that Bush became president.

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what did one swedish guy say to another swedish guy? I dont speak russian

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How do you sneak Jews across the border? In an ashtray.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long mane?"

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My brother found a worm in his apple. I dared him to eat it, so he did. When he tried to swallow, the mashed up worm congealed in his throat, killing him. Later, I found out that the worm had poisonous rectum fluids. I was given the Nobel Peace prize.

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Yo mammals so stupid, she's got AIDS!

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fuck you you punkass piece of shit I hope you burn in my uncle's titties and ass rape yourself while screaming "make it stop!'. Then, I hope that you take a titanic needle and shove it up your lower kidney until it tears open and all your bodily fluids spill out into an ocean of shit. Also, I have 73 balls with a ballsack for each ball. So, I have 73 ballsacks.

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Q. What do you get when you cross the North Korean border and an American? A. Death.

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What's the difference between car keys and truck keys? Literally nothing.

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What is useless and over-payed? Our government.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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