What do you call a guy who has no experience flying a plane? Suicidal

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Yo mama's so fat, that when she jumped, gravity pushed her back to the floor!

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Man: Are you tired Woman: No why? Man: You have bags under your eyes and you just yawned a minute ago

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Why did the Jew wear a beanie while playing soccer? Because he shaved his head

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whats funny? a relatsion ship for 16 hours

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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What's white and sticky? A glue stick.

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Knoc nock whos dere ronnie turiaf...... Ronnie turiaf who Dennis rodman

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What causes floods? Too much water.

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Why was the women out of the kitchen? She felt the desire to relax after a day of work...

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A blind guy walks into a bar because he can't see.

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what do you call a joke that is not a joke? not a joke

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Why did the cashier let the jockey off 10 cents? because he was short 10 cents

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melon

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Why really answer a question when you can just respond, "because you touch yourself." For example, Q: Why did fluffy die? A: Because you touch yourself.

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Roses are red, But ravens are black, please go to China, and never come back!

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whats green and has wings ? a flying patch of astro turf

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If a vegetarian only eats vegetables, then what does a humanitarian eat?

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your momma's so fat i almost didn't have sex with her.... almost.

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What is big, grey and can't climb trees? A car park.

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What does Tourettes Syndrome have in common with short term memory loss? I DON'T FREAKING REMEMBER.

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Q: Why don't Jewish cannibals like Germans A: Because it gives them gas

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Man 1: Your lifes a joke Man 2: Your talking to yourself Man 1 klled himself Man 2 had cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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