why didn't your dog come home last cause he died

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Why did Gus go to the HC? Because he got high off his ass.

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What are vampires favorite drink? Vampires aren't real.

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What is the square-root of pi? ?pi

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I like apples. So does Mr. Johnson from the local fruit stand.

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What did the blind lawyer say to the doctor? We're both lawyers!

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Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting Doctor Interru- You have cancer.

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what do you call a grown man who sticks food up his nose? retarded

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what do you call a man with no penis? what ever his name is

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Whats worse than dying? Nothing.....?

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How do you get McFly into a Mini? McFly are a four member band and a mini has four seats so it's actually quite straightforward.

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Girl: what comes after 69? Boy: 70. Girl: no,toothpaste! Boy: ...

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What's the difference between gays and straights? Sexual orientation

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Why was the asian boy made fun of in the locker room? Because of the nipple piercing he had.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Because it was a refrigerator. Why did the little girl die? Because she was hit by two monkeys and a refrigerator.

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Whats worse than finding out that your family is dead? finding a worm in your apple

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What's 9 plus 10? 19

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A blonde and a brunette both starred in a TV show.. It was called Beavis and Butthead.

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How many watermelons did the black man have? Too many to count, he was a farmer and his primary crop was watermelons.

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A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. The mexican, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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What does a pelican and a taxman have in common? Both are bipedal, both are carbon-based lifeforms that procreate by DNA replication, both in all probablility eat fish, both have survival instinct, both require fresh water for hydration, both have five senses; vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell, both are capable of at least limited cognition, and both can turn aggressive when provoked.

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If life throws you melons, you might be dyslexic..

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Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everyone. - Blake Woodman

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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