Q: whats the fastest way to a woman's heart? A: A knife to the ribs...

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A young blonde walks into a bar and orders a shot of tequila. After about a few minutes she spots this very ugly man with one leg. The man just so happens to sit right next to her and orders a drink. The man reeks of cockroaches and he looks like a homeless man that hasn't bathed in months. They never talk and the blonde goes home.

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Whats the difference between a pontiac and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a pontiac in my garage.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was mad at it wife.

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when i go to a nude beach people think im looking for lost jewelery and treasure

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Why can't George Washington drive? Because he died!

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-if you're American in the kitchen, British in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? -in the bathroom.

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What do a magazine and a banana have in common? They both have pages, except for the banana.

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Why did the Asian woman drive 20mph on the highway? There was a deadly car accident with many fatalities.

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3 Jews walk into a bar. Few minutes later a penny is dropped. This resenct occation causes a bar fight to brake out.

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...this makes a cop throw a car and then call "inception!"

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How do you keep an idiot busy? Why would you wanna keep an idiot busy, it's not gonna make a difference...

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A woman walks into the living room while her husband is watching tv. The husband tells her "Make me a Sandwich", so she goes to the kitchen and makes him a sandwich like shes told to.

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What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? Nothing. Inanimate objects, such as a tube of glue, however adhesive the contents of said objects are, are in no way capable of advanced speech, let alone basic communication.

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What did the blonde say to the chicken? mmm, delicious

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Why did carly drop her groceries Carly is a cow

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Q: Why did Sara fall off the swing? A: She had no arms... Q: Knock Knock! Q: Who's there? A: NOT SARA! --- Q: Okay... What song does Sara sing to her arms? A: Somebody That I Used To Know... --- Now. If you're happy and you know it clap your... nevermind O_O

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There are four worms walking in a straight line. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The fourth worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied!

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Why did the boys uncle stop calling him? His uncle died of cancer 3 months ago.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was DEAD!

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What did the suicide bomber say on new years day? Happy new year.

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What is grey and smells like sand? A Rock.

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What did the watermelon say to the apple? Nothing. Watermelons are fruits and incapable of speech.

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What is black and white and red all over? A Zebra that has been fatally maimed by a hungry lion.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops