What did the orphan get for christmas? Tuberculosis

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the T-rex say to the velociraptor? Dinosaurs are extinct.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What was everyone doing in the library? Reading

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you kill chuck norris? With a gun...from 40 feet away

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was 8 afraid of 9? Because 9 bullied him until he became anorexic.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was the black guy mad at the white guy? Duh, cause the black guy slapped the white guy.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a blonde girl with ponytails? A cheerleader.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken crossed the road accidentaly as chickens are absent minded.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? "THE chicken" indicates a definite article, you really would have to specify which chicken you're talking about so i can identify whether i was there at the given moment that the chicken tried to cross the road and to ask it his reason for attempting it.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

26 because if 25 is funnier than 24, 26 should be even funnier right?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Good friends enjoying a summer activity.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

whats the difference between a dog and a cat? ones a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

*knock knock* Who's there? *Gorilla* Gorilla who? *Gorillas don't hoot, owls hoot*

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you get a dog off of your roof? Shoot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why does Jeremy Kyle love his job? Because he gets to make idiots look like bigger idiots.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you do if a Polish soldier throws a hand-grenade at you? Run.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the man not get home to his loving family? He blew up.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you do when you see Godzilla? You offer him ice cream.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

how long does it take a black woman to shit? 3 to 5 minutes depending on the food she ingested earlier that day

thumb_up thumb_down -13

NASCAR

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why was the black woman poor? Well, she grew up in a wealthy family, but both of her parents died. Her new parents were not very supportive and she began to not care about school. She did not go to college because of this and was not able to get a job. Therefore, she had no money.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

You forgot to tell her that I can sense how you are doing and feeling based on how you phrase the words, how quickly you type, spacing, and lots of stuff I do not remember but can still make use off. Listen, I am alive and well compared to what I have been other times, the best thing about my grotesque childhood, is that it makes everything else, including this seem like nothing in comparison, nothing compares its as simple as that. Hey, speaking of simple, I want the new Street Figher game, and I want you to play if for me tomorrow, ill just tell you what to push or possess you or something else not possible, then we will both be calm like I am now, just like when we played Metal Gear, I tell you what to do, and you kinda suck and mess up because I am horrible at giving instructions okay? You know, I can see the sea from here, its really calming, it will also help you calm down as well, lets say I was in a casket, got out of it, and am recovering now, and you can be on your way now in about now unless my guys crashed in mid air, which is stupid, and stop staring at the screen like that, you should go watch television or something, distract yourself for the time being. Ill have to sleep now, speaking of knowing my limits, I might be taking permanent damage here, and while that is fine, I cant let it progress, I cant afford to go insane now that I have proven to many and most importantly myself that I am not. Remember when we watched flipper together? Skippy the Kangaroo? Mind breaking out those old video tapes? Id love watching them with you again... As for the videogames screw that, it was just something I said just like the sea, the game between you and me screwing up in order to "possess you", and then the sea so you would calm down like when you discovered you where really good at swimming once the fear of water got away. I wont lie you got that fear because I am a hydrophobe, young people end up mimicking the fear of one another, but thats over, I shower without getting blemishes now remember? I am no longer convinced my mother is laughing at me when the water gets cold either, I overcame that. Okay, wake up, just know I did not "possess you" I just "linked our emotions together by portraying a scenario we both know and enjoy doing together, I hope its okay I do not explain anymore, with zopiclone in the system, I can barely think at all. But let me know if you need more help. Say whats on your mind, ill read it all, but I cant answer, I am not taking any damage, I assure you that was just part of a hypnotic process, its "the link" I pretend like I am worried so you will know we are both worried and enter the same state, from then on I change it. I know you fear hypnosis and what it can do, but I hope you still trust me.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: What do you do when your friend tells you he murdered someone? A: Call the police.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a black man sitting on his porch in the middle of the night playing a guitar? A Musician.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops