Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running from its imminent death. It was being chased by a dog with a shark's head and chainsaws for legs. It was only delaying the inevitable.

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What did the stuffed animal say to the human after the human said hi? Nothing, after all stuffed animals can't talk

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What did the Man say to the elephant Nothing this man does not speak, the elephant does though

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What did the lighthouse say to the tree? Nothing because they are both unatimate objects and cannot speak

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Why did the little boy throw his clock out of the window? After hours of searching for the snooze button to no avail, the little boy became so irritated at the incessant ringing of the alarm that he threw it out of his window in a fit of rage. The clock landed on an old woman who was walking twenty stories below. She was immediately killed on impact.

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A man walks into a bar. He is then taken to the hospital for his concussion, seeing as the bar was made of metal

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What did Tarzan say when the monkeys came over the hill? Hey look, the monkeys are coming over the hill.

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Take my wife- to the store.

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What's worse than finding Michael V. in your class? Finding Curtis W. in there instead\

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Quantum Mechanics is so difficult to understand, somewhere Stephen Hawking just walked into a bar.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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how do you wake up lady gaga? scream in her ear.

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Q: Whats better than getting raped by a dog? A: Getting raped by a cat.

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What do Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston have in common? They were both great singers.

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What do you get if you cross James Bond with Osama bin Laden? James bin Laden.

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Two girls walk into a bar. One ducks.

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Wanna hear a funny joke? Yes.

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milk,eggs,butter,deodorant,chocolate syrup,chile powder,dildo,bacon

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What did the black man get on his SAT's? -Barbecue sauce

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roses are red, violets are red, my garden is on fire

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What did the boy do when he was bored and broke? He took to the streets selling illicit drugs such as cocaine. Although dangerous, the rush from said danger solved his boredom problem. On top of this, there is a huge market for such substances and he was not broke for much longer.

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Two women are sitting quietly in a corner, minding their own business.

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What happens when you ask a blind guy to drive you somewhere? What happens if you ask a blind guy to drive? You will end up in a four way accident with 8 people dead 2 of which children and 1 baby. You might survive but the blind guy won't so you will have to go to court for him on the issue. You realize that you are terrible when it comes to the law and you get yourself thrown in jail for 2 years. When you get out you are so tired of getting butt raped that you go out and do it to someone else. Then you go back to jail an the process repeats it's self because this is the American justice system. We could work on it a little bit. But yeah, don't ask a blind guy to drive, your butt will thank you.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops