A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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Q: If I have 5 pencils, and you have 3 spoons, how many pancakes will stick to the ceiling? A: Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

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Violets are blue, Roses are red, We're doing it backwards, That's what she said.

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what do you call a bomb in a plane? A dangerous threat to lives

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. I don't stalk him on normal days because that is both weird and illegal, thus I cannot come to a conclusion to what he does on opposite day. However, since he is lonely, I hypothesize that he must do something social, since the opposite on that is lonely.

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb? NONE A YO F******G BUSINESS!!!

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Walt disney Walks Into A Bar, The Bartender says "WOAH ITS WALT DISNEY!"

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Yo' mamas so fat that your friend said a yo mama so fat joke to you. You were certainly not amused.

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Why can't John hear what Muhammad says? John is deaf.

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what sucks blows and gets laid in the closet. YOUR MOM VACUMING

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I'm not one to tell gay jokes So I won't

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What does it mean if you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars? You both have five dollars

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Why did Michael Jackson retire from basketball? Michael Jackson never played basketball, but was nonetheless one of the most successful musicians to ever live.

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Carlos was on the computer writing anti-jokes. They all scuked.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Having a self-conscious baluga hold a gun on you while you hand him all the money you have on you, then realizing balugas are creatures indigenous to aquatic regions, and then realizing you are deep under water and are probably about to die from suffocation

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Why did the boy get nothing from Santa on Christmas? His parents died the night before!

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A man walks into a bar, the bartender says had a bad day the man says yes... he orders 10 shots goes home and shoots his neighbors

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Two Mice are sitting on a bridge , one falls down an the other is named Charlotte

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Why did the room go dark? Somebody turned the lights off

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Why do women live longer? Because they work weaker.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was heading to the funeral house to mourn his dead family.

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Why was the teacher having sex with her pupils? Because it was 2145 and that kind of shit is common then

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Unless this event results in you being a vegetable.

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Did you hear about the man who went up into space without a space suit? He died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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