Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was the black man picking cotton from the backyard? Because he enjoys gardening as a hobby, and prefers to do it every Sunday, after work.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Nothing is as strong as love, Except a nuclear warhead that can destroy entire cities! :P thoko like :D ~~k0mradey``

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A man walks into a bar, ouch!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why didn't the jew eat pork? He was vegetarian.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" Turns out a man suffering from schizophrenia believes he is a bartender for animals as his health slowly declines as his family comes to visit him every day.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the little girl fall off of the swing set? Because she didn't have any arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you kill a hobo? Throw a penny off a clif.. How do you kill another hobo? Tell him the penny's still down there

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Roses are red Violets are blue I can't rhyme The end

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the chicken cross the road? because it looked both ways and saw no cars coming.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

knock knock... who's there... i dont know i aint got a house

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: Where does the queen of england live? A: This was the question I had to anwser to be able to post this joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you get a black man out of a tree? You provide him with a ladder of varying length depending on his height in the tree and hold the ladder to ensure that it is stable and safe while he is climbing down. If he his very high in the tree then it may be helpful to call the fire department for assistance in getting him down.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Sonny Bono walked into a bar. No, wait, he crashed into a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are red, Violets are blue, i know where you live now I'm coming for you

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did Billy kill Joey? Joey had sex with Billy's wife... and Billy wanted revenge.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

how do you make jimmy happy you cant he's in a coma

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Her doctor told her that if she didn't start watching her cholesterol she might suffer from heart related illness in the near future.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Grandma used to say "you only die once." Years later, I learned the wisdom behind those words.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What`s that CREAM that comes out of you when your mom puts a WHIP on you with a switch? WHIP CREAM!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why couldn't Little Johnny read his 3rd grade novel? His was repeatedly stabbed in his eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are grey Violets are grey I am colorblind I hate my life

thumb_up thumb_down +17

"Would you like to see our stool samples?" asked the salesman. 10 minutes later, I left with 3 new bar stools.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you get 100 Jews into a Volkswagon? You don't. It's impossible to fit that many people into a car that small.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops