A. Knock Knock B. ... A. Knock Knock B. ... A. DING DONG B. Who's there? A. Me, I tried knocking first but you musn't have heard me, so I rang the doorbell.

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How many feet are in a yard? It depends how many people are in the yard.

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Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

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Why was the truck driver speeding down the road? To get to his mother's funeral. Why didn't the baby cross the road? Because it didn't have any guts.

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Why did the bunny give you a funny look? It has epilepsy.

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what is differnt about a boyscout and a jew? the boyscout comes back from camp

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How do you make a baby be quiet when it is crying? slowly choke it to death

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How do you make a napkin dance? You can't. Stop having such unrealistic aspirations.

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What's worse than eating half a worm? Eating somebody's brain.

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womens rights

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When life throws lemons at you, just give up and commit suicide!

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Your Mom is so fat, that she went to the doctor's and they told her that she was overweight and needed to get a stomach staple in order to make her lose weight

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How do you get into USA from mexico? Climb a fence

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How many children does it take to kill a homocidal killer? None. Children should not attempt such a dangerous task.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was suicidal

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What do you call a Mexican flying a plane? A pilot

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What's worse then 2 dead monkeys? 3 dead monkeys!

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Your mom is so fat she weighs significantly higher then most females of her age and height.

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What do you call a sausage with no sauce? A giraffe.

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What do you call a fly without wings? A walk

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What do you call an black man on the moon. An astronaut you racist bastard

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a christian man asked god a question. he did not get an answer. a jewish man asked god a question. he did not get an answer. a muslim man asked god a question. he too, did not get an answer. an atheist man asked god a question. he got his answer.

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Roses are blue Violets are red I'm colour blind Which is sometimes quite annoying

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Q-Jetski A-How is olive oil made?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops