What did the sailor say to the shore? Ur a beach!

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??????????? ??????????????? "Hello, idiot teacher! You eat milk."

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Why couldn't little Tiffany play kickball with the rest of the kids during recess? Tiffany is a pencil.

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Hats better than a stick? A stone

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What's purple and fuzzy? A piece of purple fuzz.

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What is fat and white? A polar bear with a glandular problem.

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What did the hobo get for Christmas? Hypothermia

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Why is there no gambling in Africa? Because there's no money in Africa.

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What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

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Many people dont know this about me, but I'm not very famous.

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do you know what Noah didn't bring on his arc? unicorns

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Why wasn't my friend laughing at my jokes? Because his grandpa is dying.

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How many mathematicians does it take to count?

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a boy poops in class everybody laughs and now he has no friends

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Your mother is so ugly it affects her self esteem.

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How do you knock a clown off a swing? Hit it with an axe multiple times.

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What's the best thing for a hangover? Heavy drinking the night before.

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Why was the student late for class? Because paraplegics can't drive.

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why do gingers have no friends? They are non sentient stems that are simply not capable of interacting with intellectual humans

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LO LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOPLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOO O O O O O O OLO LOL OL O LO LO LO L OL -LOL GUY

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I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

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A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? Cus he was dead. Why'd the other monkey fall out of the tree? Cus he was stapled to the dead monkey!

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A watermelon, a cherry, a mango, and a peanut are sitting at the table for dinner. They are all eating chicken wings and watching the superbowl between the Packers and the Patriots. What is wrong with the situation? Well two things are wrong, cherry's cannot communicate with peanuts because they speak different languages(obviously). And the patriots fucking suck.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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