What is long, hard, and full of seamen A submarine you pervert

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Yo momma is so stupid that she walked off a cliff.

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Whats the difference between Qantas and Malaysia Airlines? Qantas only looses money.

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what's funnier than a dead baby? a lot of less tragic things

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did you hear about the circus fire? it was tragic and hundreds of people were killed.

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit.

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While teaching her second grade class, Mrs. Peets asks the class a question from last night's homework, "OK class, what did you get for number five, 5+12=?" A kid in the back raises his hand slowly. "Yes James?", said the teacher. The kid in the back says, "My dick is as hard as a rock, Mrs. Peets."

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Why didn't the TV turn on? Nobody switched it on.

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Why did the bunny give you a funny look? It has epilepsy.

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How do you stop a baby flying 100mph? a shovel

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What did the black man get his mom for Mother's Day? Some jewelry and a very nice card.

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled it up, slightly spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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Found out the difference between onions and men. I don't cry when I'm chopping up men.

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What's worse than failing an exam? Failing two exams.

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justin Beiber is gay. what else is there to say...

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What is the sound of one hand clapping? I don't know you have a hand try it yourself lazy prick.

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I have a meeting with a man about a horse. I have a chance to win the triple crown. Barboro is gonna do awesome. Oh wait he is dead.

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Q: What is Tarzan's favorite Christmas Carol? A: None. He was raised by gorillas, who are unlikely to have ever heard of Christmas.

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What happens when a black man is swinging in a tree? He is enjoying the swing set I helped his father put up.

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Q:Whats the difference between Jews and Pizza? A: Jewish people are humans, and pizza is a food

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What's a Hillbilly's last words? I won't be here much longer, so take care of the kids. I love you.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Rose are brown, Violets are brown, Who keeps pooping in my garden?

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Why didn't Katie cross the road? Because she's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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