What do you call a smart phone that doesn't want to work? The first conscious phone ever

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An itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout Down came my dick, and forced the spider out

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Q)A man and a women are hiking on a mountain trail. A bear appears. What do they do? A) Die.

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What did the car do? CRASH!

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A White and a Chinese got in a fight, who won? None. The fight was unable to begin because a color is not a living organism.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was drunk.

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a tiger swims into the indian ocen and eats a tuna. the tiger shortly dies

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What's do you call two bulls, a goat, and a horse? Farm A nimals

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How do you stop a drunk driver? With a minivan and family of four.

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Q-Why the baby drop is lollypop? A: He got hit by a truck

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Up High. *high fives* In The Middle *high fives* Down Low *high fives* In the Grass *high fives* You've been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

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I'm typing this one handed... ... Because I'm an amputee.

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why was the woman silent? she lost the ability to speak in a tragic boating accident in which her vocals chords were damaged thus making it incapable for her to utter anything

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What does a blonde say when she wants to order a large pizza ? "Hi, I would like a large pizza, please."

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A man was walking home when a little boy ran up to him. He said "hey mister, how do you sleep apples?" Then the man wasn't sure why he asked him so he spelled it out for him "that's easy my boy, A-P-P-L-E" the little boy said "you said pee pee!" Then he laughed and ran off

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What happpens when a Jew walks into a wall with a boner? He breaks his nose

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"Hey, do you guys wanna hear a joke?!" -no, shut up.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism. "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." "Banana who?" "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." "I already asked ''Banana who?'' Is that your real name? Who is this really?" "Knock Knock." "You are upsetting me. I am calling the police now. Please get off my property."

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What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both can fly except for the mole

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I hate it when I press submit, and I forgot to finish the jo

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I took my blind grandmother to the art gallary

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay in unimportant.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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