Why did the Chinese family eat a dog? Because they were poor and starving refugees.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why is Timmy afraid of x-rays? The last time Timmy had an x-ray, the radiation was too much for him, giving him terminal cancer, which also explains why he will die in the next 24 hours.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Bob: Oh, there was a big surfing competition in Hawaii. Bill: that's really cool. Bob: yeah, there were huge waves up to 53 feet. Bill: Awesome! Bob: Yeah there was a Japanese guy that won. Bill: Wow, that will bring up the spirits of japan. Bob: Yeah, but he got disqualified. Bill: No, how?!?! Bob: he was surfing on his dresser.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A fat cat sits on the ground staring up at a fence. The fence stares down at the cat and laughs.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was holding hands with the first. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It saw a banana. Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? It slipped. Why did the fifth monkey fall out of the tree? It thought this was all a game. Why did the sixth monkey commit suicide? All his friends were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the priest fall onto the alter boy? Because he lost his balance

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Jim has five apples. He gives two apples to Joe. What is left? Fruit

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What did the man order at KFC, in Miami? A face.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

what do you call a black man with a knife in his hand? a surgeon.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was suicidal.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I have a friend named David. He then lost his ID, now we called him Dav

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: It didn't, instead it got put in to a McDonald's chicken wrap. Life is funny sometimes, and sceane

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why do Asian men love noodles? Noodles are delicious!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Q: Why is it so that antijokes often give you a funny answer? A:.... *hayroll* *crickets* Moral: Im the MoranautBitch!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the man punch the women? I don't know, but he served jailtime

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why are they called waiters? Because you got to wait for them for a fucking long time. Why do they call you a patient. Just so you wont get impatient, if you do you are no longer a patient and they will ignore you.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

why was the little boy brutally murdered? there was a serial killer in his town.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did Siri say to Cortana? Nothing. Someone has to say something in order to activate either one of the voice recognition devices.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Call jets pizza at 8637090999 and say porr cisero is still stuck and shit will go down

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender serves the duck the beer. Later, the bartender wonders to himself when his life got so out of control.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why couldn't the blonde get pregnant? Because she was dead, and her reproductive organs had stopped functioning.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What is the difference between a pillow and a rock The rock could hert you.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops