What is the difference between my dog and my girlfriend? I love my dog

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Knock Knock! Who's there? No one. No one is ever going to be there for you. Also, you're adopted.

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Johnny tried talking to his dog, there was no response.

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A turtle and a rabbit are having a race. The rabbit goes really fast and sees the turtle so far away. So the rabbit takes a short nap and waits for the turtle for a little challenge. Suddenly the rabbit wakes up and sees the turtle about to cross the finish line. The rabbit runs as fast as he can, but it was too late. A bus runs them over and they both die.

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What is intangible and has every color on the rainbow? A rainbow.

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Your mamas so old she died of old age, R.I.P.

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FUS RO DAH!!!

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Why was little Timmy afraid of his dentist? Because he was 10 foot scorpion.

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a duck walks up to a lemonade stand. thats impossible, because nature says that ducks cannot walk.

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You wanna hear a clean joke? Mary takes a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is a man.

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Why did the boy get stuck on the toilet? He was Elvis.

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How many frogs does it take to change a light bulb None. Frogs lack the cranial capacity to change said lightbulb. If eventually by evolution they become smart enough to change lightbulbs, they may learn to handle machinery and pose a real threat to humans.

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What happens when your scared half to death...twice!!? Nothing, being scared half to death is an expression, you should not be fearing for your life.

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What's a dead baby look like? I don't know, I don't fap with my eyes open.

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So I was blow drying my penis and my girlfriend asked what I was doing. Apparently, "heating up your dinner." wasn't the right response.

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There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

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So I was walking down the road today

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What did the jacket say to the girl? Zip me up wait why am I talking

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Roses are gray, Violets are gray, Everything is gray, I'm a dog.

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What did the plane say to the other plane? Boy, those towers fall!

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It's the police sir. There's been an accident.

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why did bob fall off the swing Because he got hit by a microwave

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Whats the difference between a Bicycle and a duck? They Both have handlebars, except for the duck.

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Why did Devon move out of his mom's house? His mom beats him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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