Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

why did dicks dicks the dicks dicks? because you're gay and dicks

thumb_up thumb_down -40

prison isnt fun it also is bland kidnapping is a crime but get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Where does a successful black person live? Neverland.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

An Octopus walked into a bar. He then died as he had been out of his natural habitat for an exceedingly long period of time. An octopus can only survive on land for 30 minutes.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Q: What happened to the dog when he eat the banana? A: he got raped by a monkey...

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Roses are red, violets are violet. I'm not stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

What's worse then having gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe? Having a stick poked in your eye. What's worse then having a stick poked in your eye? Having a nail go through your foot. What's worse then having a nail go through your foot? Having a stick poked in your eye and a nail going through your foot.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Sticks and stones may break my bones because I have osteoporosis

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What's the anonymous name for vampire hunters? The KKK.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

The man that loved birds so much that he played golf just to get a birdie.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Yo momma is so ugly, that your father can no longer stand her. They are getting divorced.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What's blue and smells like red paint? That blue guy from Megamind.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

who is gay and sits next to me in my architecture class? James and austin!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

learn the ropes?

thumb_up thumb_down +33

ONE DAY THE SKY OPENS AND SUDDENLY Gad: Jews, you are my chosen people! Jews: YAY! GODS CHOSEN! WE ARE GONNA BATHE IN RICHES AND YOU WILL COMMAND US TO RAID AND RAPE LANDS! FOR OURSELVES! AND EVERYTHING! Gad: Eh... Well, actually I was thinking more like... Jews: YAY WE ARE GONNA CONQUER THE WORLD! GAD IS WITH US NAO! Right Gay? I mean Gad... Cough... Gad: Err, well *cough* suuure, I mean... Jews: YAY! WE ARE GADS CHOSEN! WE ARE GONNA GET MIGHTY! Moral: "You do not want to be "Gods chosen" people!" Btw, you telling me Jewsus was not a Jew? Hmm?

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Some anti-jokes are funny, some are not!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. One polar says to the other, "Pass the soap please." And the other polar bear says, "No soap, radio!"

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I like my coffee how I like my women. Without a penis. - Blake Woodman

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a group that has a microphone, a bass, two guitars and a drum kit? A Band

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's the difference between a Ferrari and 50 dead babies? Where the hell would you even find 50 dead babies? That would be really disturbing.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why can't Helen Keller have sex? She is dead

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How do you get a black man out of a tree? You provide him with a ladder of varying length depending on his height in the tree and hold the ladder to ensure that it is stable and safe while he is climbing down. If he his very high in the tree then it may be helpful to call the fire department for assistance in getting him down.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops