Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says what do you want? the duck says nothing cause ducks can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Paddy and mick were walking down the street when they saw some traffic lights. They proceeded to cross the road and continue on their journey.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap ...in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations])That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you change you dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats bloody and is dead. My son.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How to you get a clown off a swing? You shoot it in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man is shipwrecked on a desert island. One day, he finds an old lamp. When he rubs it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You have freed me. As a reward, I will grant you three wishes." The man smacks himself in the face and mutters, "Oh god, I'm seeing genies now. I must be delirious from lack of food and water." Several hours later, he dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Goodbye to the people who hated on me.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I know what you do with your right hand. You part-take in everyday activities such as eating, typing, grooming and maneuvering.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple. finding half of regis philbin in your apple...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Donkey lips

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the black girl and white guy have sex? Because they were both sexually attracted to each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q) What's worse than getting a parking ticket? A) The Black Death

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q:What Did The Man Say When He Lost His Body A:Nothing He Die. Because If You Ever Lost Your Body You Would Die...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Knock knock! Who's there? Luke. Luke who? Leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

WHERE WAS THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENTENTS AT THE BOTTEM!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Do you know who's gay? Homosexuals.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

The Cubs are going to win the world series this year

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did little Tommy eat an apple? Because he was hungry. Thats why.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why shouldn't you drink and drive? Because you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Two muffins are baking in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Boy, it sure is hot in here!" The other one replies, "OMG, A TALKING MUFFIN!"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What the difference between a duck? One of the legs is both the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Morning wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops