The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

thumb_up thumb_down +55

What did the cancer patient say after the little boy told him a funny joke? I'm dying

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Your mama's so fat that she has type 2 diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

if chuck norris had 5 dollars and you had 10 dollars you would have 5 dollars more than Chuck Norris

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Why did the mom go to jail? She committed infanticide. lol.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What did the two eggs in the frying pan say to each other? Nothing, their eggs.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Knock Knock, Who's there? The Police. *No Answer* The police then give the S.W.A.T the signal, bust down the door, and kill 15 high profile targets issued by Liberia. The man who did not answer the door was Carlos Pedrouez, a serial killer, meth addict who has been apart of the Arizona sex slave trade for over a decade. The world can now sleep softly. The door was also red.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Q:Why did the booger cross the street? A:Because everyone was picking on him

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What do airplanes and grapes have in common? They both have wings, except a grape doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

A white man walked in da hood aaand he never came back

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike with no handle bars or pedals.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

You know what isn't funny? AIDS. You know what is? Brittany Spears with AIDS...

thumb_up thumb_down +41

68 :)

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Agricultural production fell significantly.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What would Michael Jackson do if he saw a naked child alone in an alleyway? It is unknown, as he cannot be asked about this hypothetical scenario due to his passing in 2009.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did Sam have no friends? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Like if you like big tits.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

I used to not like my beard, but then it grew on me.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Paul Dylan King!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What runs faster than a dead baby? Almost everything.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Q: What's a Mexican's favorite sport? A: Cross Country

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Womens' rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops