How do you stop your baby from crawling into your room? Shove a spear through its head.

Chuck Norris can drive a car using just his hands and feet!

Q: My mom's getting really old and It's starting to get hard to shop for her. Any ideas? A: You should get her a coffin.

You know those people that learned the true name of God, as God asked kindly... ...Well you know God can be nice sometimes but he actually COMMANDED they keep his name secret forever? They became the first people known as Jehova`s witnesses... JEHOVAH<<< SECRET NAME ANYBODY? So much for keeping his secret name guys! They claim that only a few thousand humans will ascend to heaven, in other words all of the JEHOVA`s witnesses... All two billions of them or something... For keeping his name (Cough JEHOVAH) secret. SUCCESS!

Yo mama's so fat. PERIOD.

So a man walks into a bar and says to the bartender I'll have a beer

Lindsay Lohan is often caught flashing her vagina...

That awkward moment when the moment isn't awkward.

ring ring young man: dad? mom's dead? woman: i think you dialed the wrong number young man: .......oh im sorry, you're absolutely right, silly me! woman: don't worry about it. young man: (chuckles) click

What do you call two guys hanging by your window? Kurt and Rod

i cannot get my penis to rise to the occasion, it is the holocaust tho..

Friends are like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe. N

omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water omg water whew, i was thirsty!

Why was the little girl crying in the woods at night? There was psychotic killer chasing her with a chainsaw.

knock knock. who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

why did the baby die? It was born with cancer

What is worse than 50 dead babies stapled to trees? One baby stapled to 50 trees. What is worse than one baby stapled to 50 trees? One tree stapled to 50 babies.

A woman walks out of the kitchen.

Why did the pig fly cuz his wife is a bitch

What looks like half an apple? The other half.

What do you call a pig sizzling in a pan? BACON!

Fuck yourself you piece of shit.

Are you from Nebraska? 'Cuz you're the only ten i see.

why was the old woman angry? fig pudding.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...