Person 1. Knock-knock. Person 2. Who's there? Person 1. The doctor. Person 2. The doct-- Person 1. You have cancer and have about three weeks to live.

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What's fat, round and bounces on the ground? A ball. I lied about the fat bit.

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Q: Why did Sally keep falling off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But this one doesn't.

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What do you call a guy walking into a bar Dave, because that's his name

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was gonna write a really funny "anti-joke" about two dogs and some spagetti but decided instead to tell you about how hard my life is and how much i hate getting up in the morning and just keep you wondering about the spaggetti and the dogs while i kill myself and it all a sudden makes sense as the two dogs are eating my shattered brain that looks like spaggetti wich leaves me wondering , am i spelling spaggetti right?

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why did everyone laugh at the kid in the wheel chair as he entered the room? he was poor

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Why are VIOLETS blue?

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Why do Squirrels accidentally plant millions of trees. Because they bury their nuts and forget where they are.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter because he's not gonna come

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Robin, get in the car, please.

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Knock, Knock... Whose there? panther panther who? panth-er no panths im goin' swimmin'

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Why can a black man beat a white man in basketball? They are generally better at basketball Why cant a black man beat a KKK member in basketball? He valued his life and didnt want to die

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Dane Cook makes a joke.

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How do you tell if an albino baby is black? Check his genetics.

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My dog has no nose. How does it smell? It doesn't

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Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangeroot ? Ones a marsupial. The others a Geordie stuck in a lift.

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What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

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How do you get five black men in a car? You offer them a good deal, then show them the car fax.

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What happened to the lady? She queefed.

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How do you circumcise a cat? Shoot an orphan in the leg with a rail gun.

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A man is at the doctor's waiting to be examined. The doctor walks into the room and takes one look at the man. The Doctor says, "You will need to stop masturbating." The man looks at him and says, "What, why?" The doctor says, "so that I can examine you"

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what do you call cheese that isn't yours? not your cheese, you probably stole it.

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What's the difference between my girlfriend and a dead baby? I don't make out with my girlfriend after sex.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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