What's clear and looks like water? Water.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Sally had no arms. Knock knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Whats better than throwing a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork. Whats better than catching a baby with a pitchfork? Eating it afterwords.

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What do you call a bug stepped on 47 times, then burned to a crisp? Dead

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A loving father took his two children to the park for a picnic. while the children went into the lake for a swim he drowned them both

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Where do babies come from? You fathers penis.

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Why do cow say moo? Because you touch yourself at night

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What is black and white and red all over? A pile of dead, bleeding, mixed race babies.

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Q: Why does it take three Polacks to change a light bulb? A: Because they're so damn stupid.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because you look like Satan.

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What did the frog say when he heard his family was dead? "ribbit"

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Q: What did the vomiting man say to his friend? A: BLEEEAAARRRGGHH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to his wife? A: BLAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the waiter in the restaurant? A: BLAAAAAARGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to Leonardo DiCaprio? A: BLEEEEAAAARRGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the convenience store clerk? A: BLAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to your mom? A: BLAAAARRRGGGHH!!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to Barack Obama? A: BLAAAARRRRRGGHHHH!! Q; What did the vomiting man say to the King of Saudi Arabia? A: BLAAAAAAAAAAAEEEAAARRGH! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the bartender? A: BLLLEEEEAAAARRGHHHH!!! Q: What did the vomiting man say to the funeral home director? A: BLLLEEEAAAARRRGGGHHH!!

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:Knock Knock :Who's there? :....... No one was there because they were ding dong ditchers.

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Why did the black man cross the road? To escape from his owner.

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How do you confuse a bar tender? You ask him how tender he is.

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Q: What do you say when you see your T.V. floating at night? A: That's so frickin awesome

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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How did the black man survive the Train crash? He didnt, he died liked everyone else

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What do you call a cow painted in red a cat ( PS : i lied about the cow + the paint ! )

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roses are red violets are blue start sucking my dick or ill kill you

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Q-What do you call a dog with no legs? A-Nothing because he cant come over to you anyway..

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What is the same about a Duck and a Pickle? Neither of them can ride a bike.

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We started this thing together, I do not get it, he is like you said, just a little nerd...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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