the awkward moment when a fat person says they are fat

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was Sally in a wheelchair? Her abusive father beat her repeatedly with a rake.. Then as she crawled out the door to try and get help, the abusive father took his Dodge Ram and ran over her legs reapeatedly. Then began to slap her. Luckily, a vigilante saw the whole thing and slaughtered the father with an axe and carefully escorted Sally to the hospital. After a couple of weeks of beautiful and extraordinary care, Sally made a full recovery and was able to leave.. and all patients have to leave in a wheelchair

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was the boy crying? Because he got hit by a bus. Why did he get hit by a bus? Because his mom was laughing. Why was his mom laughing? Because she was driving the bus. Why was she driving the bus? Because the boy fell off a swing. Why did he fall off a swing? Because he didn't have any arms. Why didn't he have any arms? Because his diabetic monkey had the flu. Why did his diabetic monkey have the flu? Because the boy was crying.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Robert Mugabe.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Black people being friendly.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did Timmy mow the lawn? He didn't particularly like the way it looked Why did Timmy fall down the well? He is retarded and thirsty How did Timmy die? He had stage three lung cancer Why cant Timmy drive a car? He has been dead for three years

thumb_up thumb_down +12

a pope and a catholic priest walk into a bar... the priest orders... then the pope says to the bartender "I'll have what hes having." so the bartender takes out a small child and says ...."are you sure?"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what's the diferance between a boner and a lambroghini? I dont have a lambroghini

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you get a blonde's attention? Throw deodorant at her until she looks.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

If a tree fell in the forest, and no one was around to hear it, would you like a cupcake?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Hats better than a stick? A stone

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was the boy hanging from the ceiling? He was sad

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the clown go to the doctor? Because he had a malignant tumor on his liver.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

There was an English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man. The Welsh man couldn't make it. Again.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A good way to remember which one is Beavis and which one is Butthead is to remember the acronym "Baby Blues." B in baby stands for Beavis, and b in blues stands for Butthead. You're welcome.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

There's nothing more natural than the coals under the fire...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What would you do if your penis disintegrated? Never mate again.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

my egg roll

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Friends are like potato, when you eat them die.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did Jay-Z rob a bank? Wait, nevermind. Jay-Z didn't rob a bank.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the asain fail his tests? They weren't math tests...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What happened after Will Ferrell took a dump? He wiped his ass and flushed.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops