Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because she had no arms or legs.

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Three construction workers are high up on a building when they decide to take their lunch break there. The three open their respective lunches, converse pleasantly, and enjoy the fine weather.

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Doctor: I bring grave news. Your wife is dying. She won't survive for another 100 years. Concerned and anguished Husband: Oh... that's ok! Doctor: Oh did I say years? I meant days! Oh the mirth! *The doctor breaks down into hysterical laughter, which the Concerned and Anguished Husband is furious to see, as the Doctor is taking delight out of such a grave situation.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. I don't know, I've had a bad day, I can't think straight. Why do you keep asking me these questions? Always talking at me, everyday it's the same - why can't you just shut up?! I would be better off dead, then it would stop, this suffocating blackness. I need to escape...I'm going to do it tonight...pills, something like that...I don't care any longer. Goodbye.

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Why does Amy leave Dan? Dan gets hit by a bus.

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A man and a woman are in a bar. The man says, "Excuse me miss, but you're very attractive, may I please buy you a drink?" to which the woman replies, "Thank you very much, but I'm afraid I've never been to Mexico."

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Feeling alone fast after opening your mouth? Feel that people ignore your conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say AHAH!... And Uhuh, and I PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND! Now YOU CAN BE APPRECIATED INSTANTLY BY A BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE SAYING!

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Cacti are green Clouds are white Spoons are silver Corn is yellow Carrots are orange Asphalt is black Grapes are purple Cinnamon is brown Lets's have sex

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Why was the Jimmy Sad? Because he had Autism.

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What's funnier then the holocaust? A second one.

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Why did the city disappear? Someone nuked it

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Why did the kid drop his football? He had a heart attack

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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A black man walks into a store and grabs something off of a shelf. He walk briskly towards the door and pauses, looking sneakily left and right to make sure nobody else is around. He also looks and sees that the security camera is not facing him. Seeing as nobody is watching him, he quickly turns towards the counter beside the door and pays for the item with his own debit card, knowing that nobody can see him enter his PIN.

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Q: what did the suicide bomber say after the attack? A:

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knock knock who's there me me who It's me your son who was in prison for 6 years for false charges of attempted homicide

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In a galaxy far, far, away.... There were quasars, stars, and various sized meteors.

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why would a man mistake a watermelon for AK-47? i dont know. The man probably has mental issues.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, Who gives a shit

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A bartender walks into a bar. About 8 hours later, he goes home.

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What did grandma get little Benjamin for Christmas? Nothing, she died last year

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Why was the boy sad he ate a loaf of bread? Because ducks ate him alive after that.

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i know the best knock knock joke! you start! other person: knock knock me: whos there ........

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How do you fit 94 jews in a volkswagon? two in the front, three in the back, and 89 in the ash tray

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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