What did the cow say to the farmer? moo

A white man walks down an alley and sees two black men. They say hello and then are on their way.

A dog walks into the local newspaper to place an ad. The dog writes; "woof woof, woof woof woof." Receptionist: You know you can ad another two woofs for the same price? Dog: Well that wouldn't make any sense at all?

What do Jim Carrey, Kim Jing-un and Justin Bieber have in common? A penis.

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An irish man stumbles out of a bar.

Doctor Doctor! I think i'm epileptic! I'm not the Doctor, I'm the receptionist. You're a hypochondriac, now wait in the Que, like everybody else Mrs. Davis.

Where do you find a good lawyer? In the cemetary

Have you noticed when you see geese flying and they're in a V pattern, often one side will be longer than the other? Do you know why that is? There are more geese on that side.

Knock knock What?

whats the difference between virgin and a porn star?? A virgin hasn't got aids.

Your mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks.

A blind man walks into a book store. He asks if they have any books in Braille. The employee says "Yes! Many you haven't even seen before!"

Why did the man name his boy "Sue?" He had bad eyesight and thought it was a girl.

Why couldn't the woman drive the car? Because she was a woman.

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a terrorist.

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb. None, Thomas Edison was a man.

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hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game. She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand." "What did you not understand?" And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

What do u call a banana? A banana......

i feel like i will die some heroic death, but its more likely i will trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

One day, a small bald man was walking up the street, when her saw a large red porche, extremely grand, and the door was wide open. He walked over and inspected the open door, and to his surprise, the keys were in place by the steering wheel. He was a good man, with a loving wife and two teenage children, and he had no intention of steeling the vehicle. But astonished by the owner lack of protection, he hopped into the car and drove it around the block, just for the thrill of riding such an amazing car. Around 30 seconds after, he parked the car, got out, leaving the car in the same place, with the door open and the keys in, then he walked home and lived the rest of his life.

What's the difference between an eight year old girl and a Jew? Only one comes back from camp.