(To the pretty girl at the bar) "Was your father a thief? Because I really would like to have sexual intercourse with you."

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An armadillo walks into a bar, and shouts "I hear you don't serve armadillos." "That is correct," the bartender replies.

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Roses are red, violets are blue shut the hell up, and sit the hell down

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a man checks his mypsace

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A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man says "I'll have some H2O." The second man, quite thirsty, says "I would like some H2O too." The second man dies because the bartender is a serial killer and gave the man the hydrogen peroxide he ordered. The first man is killed with a shovel.

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A middle aged woman walks into a bar. Its Friday and there is a breeze in the air. She leaves shortly thereafter.

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What do an elephant and a can of soup have in common? They both can't ride a bike

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What do you call a group of white males wearing hoods and setting fires? Cold

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what did the guy say when he lost his sandwich? wheres my sandwich?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

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Is that a banana in your pocket, or do you just have an erection?

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What is wet, white and sticky? Glue, of course.

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Your mamma so fat she bungie jumped straight to hell

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Why did the boy jump of the cliff? He was following the others

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A squirrel asks an apple where is the nearest gas station. The apple doesn't reply.

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Suzie.

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Bigfoot, the loch ness monster, and self-respecting Justin Beiber fans are all the same, your told they exist, it's not true.

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Whats worse then sneezing on someone? sneeze on someone and find out

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Why couldn't the kitten drink its milk? Because its owner was neglecting him and the kitten later died of malnurisment

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knock knock Goodbye

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There are two types of people in this world, those that can't count

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Knock Knock The occupant uses their peephole and realizes it is a familiar face then proceeds to let them in.

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Knock Knock. You don't have a door.

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops