Did you here about the 2 guys who wanted to go to Paris? They didnt go!

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My friend was driving me home from a party, and was quite drunk. I was relieved that we did not get into a car crash.

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Why can't you get a bull to talk? Because it felt like beating the shit out of you and mounting you.

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What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

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What's the difference between a person who can differentiate an anti-joke from a joke and one who cannot? Other than being able to tell the difference between the two types of humour, it is impossible to tell, as no further information is given.

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This is a shovels and rakes conversation. No hoes allowed.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What was the baker a coward? He didn't have the "Bunz" to prove it!

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So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was content where he was.

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What did Soviet children dream about? Communism.

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What did the starving african child get for his birthday Ebola

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Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad your whole family isn't dead from a fatal car accident?

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Knock Knock Who's there? Charles Grodin. Charles Grodin who? Exactly.

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What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore? A:porn

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Why did the overweight black man wake up & then not get out of bed? He was paraplegic.

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^ That's not even funny ^

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69 cents for a rainbow donut shaped as a 69....

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roses are red, hills are green. i know you're ugly and i know I'm so mean.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He believed pedestrians had the right

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What's white, wet, and loved by women? A polar bear cub.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He is promptly arrested for sexual harassment.

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Why is this joke funny It isn't

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Why was the All-black Basketball team disqualified? Because they all died in a hotel fire.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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