When life gives you lemons you are like "how did I get these lemons?"

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What's grey and doesn't climb trees? A car park.

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What did Sally get for Christmas? Who's Sally?

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(Knock knock) A:who is it? B:its the police open up where coming in B:I SAID OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR A:(SHIT)

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What's funny to laugh at dying? JEWS!

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WHAT HAS MAN BOOBS THE SIXE OF JUPITER BOMBER NEVILLE

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Why couldn't John go to the store for his mother? He had no legs...

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joe paterno doesn't walk into a police station

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So a guy says to his dog "hey man when you piss in the toilet can you please flush, just because I don't like to look at your pee." then the dog sits back and says "...woof !!"

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how do you get a clown off a swing. hit it with an apple in his nuts

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why did the boy fall to the ground? He was struck by lightning

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What's the worst thing that can go wrong while trying to archieve something you desperately want? -Everything.

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Tommy was excited to get a tattoo of a falafel on his wiener. He got skin cancer.

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Q: How many times did the chicken cross the road? A: One and a half.

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Why does Billy hate waiting in line? Because he's impatient.

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What did the boy say to the girl? I like you hi.

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what do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question ................

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What's the difference between an apple and a banana? One's an apple.

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What did the fat kid get for chirstmas? diabetes

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there once was a man from Nantucket. I want to ride in a helicopter.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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Why did the black guy love his new shirt? Because it was 100% cotton

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So there were these three guys on a plane, one with a ruptured hernia, one with a stomach infection and one with a raging case of gingivitis. Half way through the flight the pilot said, "unfortunately we will not it make to our destination... we are crashing." The three men then went to get the parachutes. they then say that there was only two. the man with the ruptured hernia picked one up and threw it out the door and pushed out the guy with the stomach infection. The guy with the raging case of gingivitis said, "why did you do that... we could have used that parachute!" the man with the ruptured hernia responded, "taco." and jumped out of the plane. the pilot then goes on the intercom and says," sorry. false alarm. we will not be crashing, please enjoy the rest of your flight."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops