My Muslim friend is always late to everything. We call him 9/12.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the boy jump in the van? Because his parents had just been in a terrible car accident.... There where 2 fatalities.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you get when you cross bread an eagle, a wolf and shark together? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it will kill all of us!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's 9+ 10?! 19

thumb_up thumb_down -4

*Click* "Hello you have reached a pre-recorded voice at the suicide hotline. We regret to inform you that our consultant has suffered a recent bout of depression due to the sheer volume of calls he has received." "His body was found this morning, hanging from a tree." [L]

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the man with seasonal allergies not take his medication? He had liver disease...read the fine print

thumb_up thumb_down -4

So there's this moose right? And he walks into the store and asks where the potatoes are. And the cashier lady says aisle 5. So the moose walks to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

what does matt daly like to do in his free time anal

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the man give his wife for her anniversary? Nothing. The man is a raging alcoholic and forget her anniversary due to his high alcoholic intake during the past few weeks. Even if he did remember he most likely didn't care after seeing his wife cheat on him with another woman putting his marriage into shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Neo Nero, why did you not tell me that Nero7 is dead? When was the funeral held? Where is he buried? At point Zero? Please I need to know, he was basically my father, or rather all that my father never was, at least I dont have to wonder if he will ever come back... I understand your anger, even if I am not even close to following your extreme ideals, please tell me the code, the proof that you are not one of the Spetznas or the Nazi`s. "Eliza"

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A duck walks up to a lemonade stand and says to the man nothing. Because It's a duck.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Judge: Why did you hit your wife with a hockey stick, Mr. Johnson? Mr. Johnson: My father and mother were mutually abusive when I grew up. As you may have guessed, this gave me a skewed view of the dynamics between husband and wife, as well as causing me to hide my emotions from myself as a defense mechanism. As a sociopath, I feel no remorse for this occurrence.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A black man walks into a sporting goods store and pulls out a gun! Then he returns it and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you get when you mix Lil Wayne and Lil John? A full size John Wayne

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Uber Driver: "Hey I'm close, where are you?" Me: "oh, I see you!" Uber Driver: "Are you that guy in the middle of the road?" Me: "yeah, floor it"

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Knock Knock! Whos There? Little boy blew! Little boy blew who? Micheal Jackson....

thumb_up thumb_down -4

your mothers smells so bad,because she has poor hygiene skills

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Once upon a time, a handsome prince met a beautiful princess. They both fell in love with each other. They then got married and lived happily ever after.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Person One: Knock Knock Person Two: Whos there? Person One: You can see its obviously me because theres not really a door there.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

1-"What's the worst thing about a joke?" 2-"The stupid punchlines at the end" 1-"No-- when someone dies and can't live to tell it..." (laughter) 3-"What joke you guys laughing at." 2-"None of you're business" 3-"Damn I really wanted to know" 1-"Didn't we all."

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Where's the best place to gather black people to roleplay as prison victims for a documentary? Prison or the Graveyard.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he (assuming he bears male reproductive organs) saw some corn on the other side (using the light rays refracted primarily by his cornea onto the retina) which is his staple diet as he is a herbivorous chicken. As corn is the producer of the food chain in question and the chicken is the primary consumer, a fox being the secondary and an angry farmer being the tertiary, he needs to ingest this food source in order to obtain the glucose required to produce adenosine triphosphate by the process of aerobic respiration in the mitochondria of his chicken cells. Thus, the chicken crossed the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q: Why did the black man die poor? A: Because he was financially irresponsible and wasted the millions left to him by his father fueling his alcohol addiction, slowly grinding away at his organs until he died of cirrhosis of the liver.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests? Tests.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops