While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A doctor rides in his Mercedes Benz through a rough, poor part of town. He sees a homeless person who is begging for money. The doctor stops and gets out of his car and asks "Ill give you some money if you need it for food". The homeless person then shoots and kills the doctor, takes his wallet, and buys crack.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A dog walks into a bar. The bartender was just about to leave, so he takes the dog home with him. He makes found dog signs and posts them around the neighborhood. The owner sees one of the signs and retrieves his pet from the bartender, thanking him for finding his dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red. Violets are blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Pi and i are having an argument about the state of modern mathematics. Pi goes into a frenzy and i says "be rational". Pi does not realise that i was just being friendly, and so tells him: "get real". [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? 0. There are no lights at Auschwitz.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What do is it called when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? A: Why give it a name when it is never goin to happen!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

how makes licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? depends on how determined you are to find out

thumb_up thumb_down +2

whats worse than having a gay friend ? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a bomb that explodes in 3 seconds inside your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A women frantically calls the doctor and says, " Doctor, doctor, give me the news! I have a bad case of loving you."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do u call a 50 yr old man at disneyland a rapist

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many babies does it take to paint a house? That is child labor, which is illegal in many countries.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

who is awesome? no one...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm chuck norris. And I approve of this message.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

i am blue you are red ive got a face look at it look at it i say

thumb_up thumb_down +2

My wife came up to me and said, "I want you to make me scream with 2 fingers!" So I poked her in the eyes!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why can't we see the wind? Because no one likes you...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's the difference between a cow and a Spanish person? To get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you confuse a gay person? How? 7

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what is very tall and red a very tall red building

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A mexican and a black person are in the back of a car. Whos driving? A bus driver.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Steven and Daniel are playing with super soakers in the back yard. Steven says to Daniel: "You can't squirt me!" Daniel says to Steven: "Yes I can!" Daniel is HIV positive.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops