Why did everyone call the one-legged man Matt? Because that was his name.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It's abusive father punted it.

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3.14159365358979323846264

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What do you call a cow with no legs? A leg-less cow

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Q: How many years does it take for a deer to grow into a moose? A: 7

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Why did the boy have sex with his grandpa? His grandpa is a nice guy and it was his birthday.

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redtube

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Ask me if I'm a human! - Are you a human? No. The correct term would be a human being.

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What do you call a highschooler who smokes weed, shops at the mall, and has date-raped one girl so far? Popular.

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What do you call a black man at harvard? Probably a criminal who is in harvard law trying to find a good lawyer.

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So a guy walks into the doctors and say "Doctor it hurts when i poke my knee like this" the doctor says "Let me see your hand" the doctor squeezes the patients finger and the patient says "ow!" the doctor says "now poke you knee again" the patient pokes his knee and says "it still hurts" so the doctor comes to a conclusion and says " you dont have a broken kneecap you have a broken finger, stupid, now get out and leave me alone!"

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One day a man named Tyler put a picture of an Asian in his wallet and proceeded to call himself Asian even though he was of Caucasian. Then a theif pick pocketed his wallet and was confused.

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text this number 2066191208 saying i wanna rape you

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A seal walks into a club...and is taken in custody by animal control due to the club having a no animal policy.

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.....Carrot Top....

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What's worse than finding a worm in Your apple?? A pile of dead babies

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What happened when the kid tried to hang himself? He was overweight, so the ceiling fan that the rope was tied to fell out of the ceiling. When he explained this to his drunk mother when she got home, she reinforced the fact that he was overweight (his low self esteem was the root of his depression) and beat him. The next day, he just chugged antifreeze. This isn't a true story. Just calm down.

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It was a dark night, I was walking home from the shops in town, The wind was whistling through my damp hair, My spine tingled and i tucked my hands under my stinking pits. I felt like someone was watching me, I walked faster the breath was warm on my kneck i turned around. It was gary glitter he pulled down my pants and gave me the best sucky i ever had. We kissed and i tasted the cheese from my knob. In all garry glitter has a giant knob

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Why does Charlie Sheen do cocaine? Because his father was a poor role model and he's an unstable celebrity.

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What do you call a black man yelling into a crowd? a preacher

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Yo mama is so skinny, when she sits around the house, she sits comfortably in every chair. - Stephen Colbert

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A pedophile walks into a Nursery. He get's arrested.

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How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb? Generally one, however, in cases where the light fixture is unusually high, a ladder may be necessary. Some people like having a second person hold the ladder as they climb it. In this unconventional circumstance, it would take precisely two Jews to change a lightbulb. Also, Jews are bad people.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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