Knock Knock Who's there? Mike Mike who? Just kidding, it's Danny. Oh okay, come in.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Your father must be an alien because he's driving a UFO

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Hook a finger from each hand in your mouth, now pull so your lips are tight and try to say "I was born on a pirate ship" I'm sorry, I can hardly understand you.

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Pickup line: Hey babe, do you work at Mcdonalds? Because I don't have a job, are you hiring?

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A blonde walks into an electronics store. She asks an assistant, "Can I buy that TV"? He says, "Sure, no problem." She then walks out of the store, happy with the purchase that she made.

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What would you call it if Justin Bieber had sex with a woman? Sex, because thats what it is.

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Why couldn't the blonde do her homework? She had no fingers.

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Two elephants were out flying. Then one elephant said to the other: My grandmother has a pink toothbrush!

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What do you do when a bomb is exploding 2 inches away from you? You die.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in an open hole Poor body disposal practice

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What is sad and disappointing? Nevada's and California's snow pack.

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Why are hurricanes named after women? I don't know I was asking you

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A man walks into a bar and sees an attractive blonde. He is afraid of talking to her so he goes home and masterbates himself to sleep.

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Why did the chicken commit suicide? Because the numerous failed attempts of crossing over the years deemed it almost impossible, therefore, chicken could no longer see the point in life.

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a black person was walking into his home. good thing balls like apple juice and Miley Cyrus was keeping guard with her sword.

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Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

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A horse walks into a bar and asks the bartender "why the long face?" The bartender replies "this is the fourth time this week a horse walked into my bar and every time it happened i have to clean up a bunch of horse pooh!"

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What do you call an Arabic man who crashed a plane into a business building? A careless pilot whose recklessness caused him to crash into a building. His stupidity and lack of plane control skill led to a horrible accident that involved the death of thousands of innocent people and the death of many business people's office pets.

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A man name Bill works 12 hours a day at a warehouse, almost everyday a week. It is a hard job but Bill does it to support his beautiful wife of many years. Bill thinks the long hard days are worth every moment he gets to spend with her. One night, after a hard day, he comes home to find another man in bed with his wife. Bill begins to sob and yell "I work 12 hours a day at a warehouse....." His wife yells back. "We already read this part, get to the punchline".

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Q: Why did Timmy cry? A: You would too if you had your arm cut off

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What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

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Knock knock The boy doesn't answer because it's dangerous to open your door to strangers while home alone.

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What did one apple say to the other? Nothing, it is scientifically proven that apples can't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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