Why did the man die? Supercalifragilisticexpialidosious

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2 persons in an elevator then, one guy says: dude! smells like your sister! and the other guy is not there

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What did the senator do after he typed he email? He clicked the send button.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzhiemers Wait, who are you

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Q: When birds fly in a "V", why is one side always longer? A: There is one extra bird on that side

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Why do skinny women eat their food fresh cooked? So that they don't contract food-borne diseases and risk dying.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with more information. Your wife died during the delivery.

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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful busness man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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what happens when a dog and a cat have sex? They create a beautiful baby that ends up dieing from cancer.

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What did Newton say to Einstein? Nothing, Newton was dead before Einstein's birth.

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what is chuck norris's favorite food? lasagna.

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Jerry Sandusky walks up to the reception desk at a day care center. What does the lady at the desk say? Nothing, she promptly gives Mr. Sandusky his son and they leave.

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If i knew people where coming i would have trimed my antlers

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Why do They call a horse a horse? Because They speak English.

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How do you make your father cry? Poke him in the eye with a shovel, then continue to lower his self esteem with insults.

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What day is it today? Today. Thank you. You're welcome.

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I have a horse.

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My Boyfriend

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Yo mama's so fat she threw a rock at the ground and missed.

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What's worse than Hitler killing six million Jews? All of the Jews. --ZeNaziGermanDoctior

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What did the doctor say to the man on the nice day? You have cancer. How nice the day was is irrelevant

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Why did Sally's ice cream melt? She was on fire.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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