I walk into a bar...

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roses are read, violets are blue. i have alzheimers and Jill came tumbling down.

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knock knock whos there banana banana who knock knock whos there orange orange who orange you glad I didn't say banana

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Whats green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 7

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What time will the little girl get up for school? Never, she died in her sleep.

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Whats bright red and claws at the window? Baby in a microwave.

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What is green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? An elephant I lied!

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Q: What would have been the easiest way to stop the second world war without killing anyone? A: Paid Hitler for his art.

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What did the Chinese man say to the other Chinese man? I don't know. I can't speak Chinese.

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A three-legged prostitute, a coal miner, and R. Kelly walk into an all-midget rendition of Stravinsky's Rite of Spring. The miner has a heart attack and dies. The concubine and the vocalist do nothing to help.

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Multi Orgasmic Pillow screechers

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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*The doctor walks in* Knock knock. Whos there? Doctor. Doctor Who?

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roses are red hula is hula when i walk in cass i see a big tula

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An irish man stumbles out of a bar.

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Why did the man get in a car accident? Because he was blind.

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I got a new jacket. The jacket had real cotton inside the sleeves. The next day my new jacket was gone, but the one i bought yesterday wasn't.

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how did the man with the gun die? obesity

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Gary.

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What can fly, but is always under you? A flying worm.

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Why did little Susie Fall in the well? She had downs.

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Q: why can't women drive? A: because there is no road between the kitchen and the bedroom

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What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating? Many things could be worse than that, from the less severe e.g. Finding half a worm in the apple you're eating to the more severe, such as the total collapse of civilization.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops